_* i love yoo*_

2005-06-17T22:48:00.000-07:00

-[i don wan to care anymore,
its jus hurts wad in me,
i don't want to love u anymore,
it just hasn't got any point,
i don wan to u see u again,
or find my tears in a puddle of water]-

the above is 4 u k.i don noe already la.i don wan to say wad happen for no one unless u would understand.thats y i like u,u understand me even wen i don understand myself.

anyway the chalet was realli nice.very fun la.ok i took 53 hoping to reach down town east in one piece n nt irritated or wad but i ended up in the airport(don ask me how) and so from there i took mrt n bus.haha.anyway wen i reach there rach n shok met me n i followed them to our bbq pit.wen we gt there(after a bit of gtting lost)haha, i met mel,pea ,eilis,mich,phyliss,dernise,n inlcuding us three wif rach's family n all.anyway fire got started.we eat,talk ,laugh n took pics..mich was like our part-time waitress la.haha.anyway then after eating we played the sparkles n all.very fun but god the smoke is a killer.anyway later me n rach cleaned up n wen went to the room(where there was air-con ).talk talk.we all were like trying to figure out who go where n all.anyway in the end we all took taxi's while rach took her hmm i think uncle's car.anyway went we reach rach's place.we watch sisters la.towards the ending rite pea had to go home so we sent her down n went we came back we, we felt like watching honey n we watched it to the end n we then watch the ending og sisters n honestly i think its a dumb movie la.haha.anyway then we watch like 10 mins of gothika.then we watch a series of unforunate events n the first to sleep shok and mich . Then eilis and denise.then rach n me(the last).anyway in the morning most of us got up at 8 but i went back to bed gtting up in between while the rest i think watch son of mask.anyway wen i got up n the movie like "ended" then we all went to change ,n heaed to gardens for lunch.we ate chicken rice la.then we went mac to slack n then rach ,eilis n dernise went to town n me n mich n phyllis talk 4 a while.then they went home n i went to return the vcd's.so i ended up at home.went to bath n here i am.i had fun yst honestly.

back to u,i give up tryin to figure u out.

-[ u can't have a beginning wif no end,
4 a story wif no end,
is a story not completed]-

2005-06-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

-[i rather wish for it to never happen,
then for it to all go away like as if,
i never knew u]-

aiya so much of thoughts just not sure how to place them in words.all that i know is i'm feeling pisses,hurt,excited and grateful.

*if u want me to be happi,i'll pretend.if u want me to be sad,i'll show u this side.if u think i'm an idiot i'll prove to u that ur right.but tell me to fuck off and i'll give u one myself*

well i wish it ended sad.do u noe how she cried to him left but he did cry to see her gone.do i wish it ends now.maybe.but u noe wad it's going to end really soon.just a matter of time i believe.if u think ur just started i don noe.i noe its wrong but its my way of showing i care by teaching u ass the right lesson.i know i'm being mean and i noe u'd be shock if u figure out its u i'm writing about but has my say becoming invisable wen u don't need it or has it suddenly shatter inside our mind.u choose.i wish i cry maybe to melt this heart.but for u to realize how much i hurt.how much i try to be fuckin careful, it's gg to take a life time wif all these mask.n if it ends 2morr. noe i care 4 u.noe i'd be there wen u need me.noe i'm not really gone .noe it's not really over between us because itd only be wen i say so and wen i do i wish u cry many tears of joy and never return to my heart ever again.

*n wif a hammer i smash his head .three times wif perfection until i started to bleed*

2005-06-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

-[mouth close,
ears open]-

i swear today my words are nothing but curses.so just for today i shan't say much but tonite was good.me and cathy were talking to each other.n yeah it feels good i swear.

-[mummy i died yesterday,
but u never took notice,
you only were thinking,
oh god,
where the fuck,
is that girl wen u need her]-

2005-06-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

-[y must u be so perfect]-

i swear today turned out beautiful.yeah.start of the day got up 11 plus,went 4 lunch wif sharan then we went to jimmy.JIMMY NOW PLAYS NEOPETS BECAUSE OF MY CUS.yes she got him hooked on to it and god i will die if he plays neo pets infront of me i promise.haha.anyway blah blah went home slept.then went on the com(duh).blah blah.watch buffy (the earlier episodes and now showing on 18).yes so good to watch all the earlier episodes just refreshing in a way.haha.then yes went to jim 4 a while.met sheryl,madeline,shantal.also met michelle,elaine,debbi,phyliss.so after jim hanged out wif michelle n all.fun la.haha.then went to meet madeline they all.yeah it was nice slacking on the roof top.then yeah went to masi veena's then home.n yes bath n ended up here.nothing much to say except just read ya blog and god i wish i could take ya burden away.i wish i could take ya sorrows away.just for once see u truely happi not on the outside but in the inside.

i miss u alot.i love u alot too.i'm glad i met u in the first place n though i have not seen u for damn long it doesn't realli bother me.

sandir i miss u.i swear i do la.wish u were in singapore then can go and meet u la.

n oh to some one COULD U PLEASE FUCK OFF.

2005-06-08T08:21:00.000-07:00

-[mummy said i should go for a swim]-

i don't want to have to fall back to you.honestly.it hurts me a bit to know the distance is further but it hurts me even more to realize that hey ya kind of the only person i trust.to realize that ur the 1st person i care 4 so much n to realize that ur the 1st person that i told my world about.no if u readers think this is some love story eh,wrong page coz its not.aiyo i swear it hurts to realize that now this moment your the only person who is my friend.i know.weird morbit.wadever but it's true and maybe u noe it.i don't have much friends and i beg god that i don turn to my old friends not because i don't like them coz then it would be a lie would it not.i love my old friends it's just that if i were to turn back and go out wif my friends i swear their going to feel used and i know that feeling.i know u understand what i am saying even though to myself i don't make much sense and to be honest i don noe y i am making this issue damn big. it's not like we plegde never to see/speak to each other but now after this i don't know if it's weird but i feel scarde calling you.ya its weird i swear but i feel so scarde calling you.maybe its because i'm afarid that i fall back to you.i don't know if u gt it but thats how i feel.i don't want to realize that i am becoming a loner.

* u look here ,
i look there.
we know we're searching for something,
but we just can't find it*

went to eat chomp chomp today and sharan's now over my place.she's staying over.i swear i'm damn confuse and u noe what honestly i wish i meet some one like u.some one i could trust so much.some one i could be myself and not thinking god what am i doing.some one i could cry infront and all.no i'm weird.i said i knew it's coming but i swear i was not ready for it.n honestly i feel like punching myself for being like this.no i'm not weeping coz theres nothing to cry about. i want my place.i wish i had this special place where wenever i need it it would be there.i want this special place for only my thoughts.i want this place where i would go wenever i'm sad,happi,thinking.i want this place where no one will find me.i want this place to hide.

*even now my words can't save me,
even now my thoughts can't drown me*

2005-06-08T00:23:00.000-07:00

-[it wasn't just today,
u thought of it many years,
and only today,
you felt it was right]-

where was i yesteday and where am i today.it just does not make any sense to me.i have always wanted to feel what a prisoner feels.not because i am a crazy fool but maybe because it's while being a prisoner that u really get to know yourself.but sometimes do u really want to know what makes your soul.

*mummy said it was not right
but how can something so good,
be so wrong*

i feel like burning myself.feel like destorying what was never mine.feel like hurting myself.feel like running to a place which is only mind that no one not even my thoughts would disturb.i honestly can say i don't know what i'm feeling and even better i'm glad i don't know

-[and as i ate i realize,
of god"what the fuck"

2005-06-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

-[Then on that last day he breaks
And he stood tallAnd he yelled..
. and he takes his life]-

yes i jus blog like a few mins ago.aiyo .jus damn sick la.nt realli cold-flu sick.bt mentally -emotionally sick.haha.weird yeah.aiyo man just give that poor girl a break would u.yeah i do agree maybe she should not have said wad she said but hey y so hard on her.she does so much 4 u,4 everyone .aiya i dunno.i jus think that u should not vent ya anger on her man.it's not right.she's not a robot n u noe that k.aiya bottom line is y could u nt hear wad she said n just let it through the other ear.y make the nite unpleasent.aiya.i noe i shd not butt in bt fuck it la.

yeah today someone said smth.aiya i noe u ain't using me,bt y do i feel like a subsitue.am i.i dunno.i shd nt think like that i noe.bt i can't help it.i owe u alot i know.just thinking about maybe the amount of dew today was alot.

yeah i do think of u these few days.r u sure u r ok.i wish i could see u again.wish i could hear ya voice.i wish many things bt hey i got one of my wishes already and that was 4 mi n jojo to be ok.n we are.n u nt gt no idea hw happi i am that jojo n the rest of the ppl that i was not ok wif are nw ok.aiya life's been good.i jus wan one more thing.n that is u.bt hey wen i think of hw u n i can be together i feel its nt rite.i guess maybe i shd be careful 4 wad i wish.bt i'm confuse.

DO I LIKE u. or is this just wad others call infactuation.

-[You took it back
You ripped my heart out of my then you put it back
I'm pulling my hairI let you just a million times
I love you even though it isn't fair]-

2005-06-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

-[my worst pains are words I cannot say,
Still I will always fight on for you.
Fight on for you ]-

ello today was ok la.got up at 12 plus.went jimmy.went 4 squash only to realize u.alan was nt there.hope nothing happen to him.then heaed to tasha's house her birthday la

*happi birthday tasha dear*

anyway ya went there.helped a bit.then ya few ppl came n then more n more ppl came.talk to everyone.took pics.talk talk.n stuff.overall it was fun.towards the ending,my uncle was watching tennis n i thougth heck la watch it.so i did.some guy name nadal n puerta played.finals of the frecnch open if i'm not wrong.anyway i watch 4 a while n wen i came home,watch 4 a while also until the 1st set was over n i was like omg so long(played 4 1 hr smth).yeah.ah don have much to blog.so i'm out.

-[The cup is not half empty as pessimists say
As far as he's sees, nothing's left in the cup
A whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge
Since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up ]-

2005-06-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

-[maybe this is the beginning of madness,
forgive me for what i am saying,
read this quietly]-

haha ok yst n today was realli nice k

yst:
morning went to watch shaan play netball.they played against ft n lost, bt they all played damn good.SHAAN I AM PROUD OF U K.GOOD JOB.haha.anyway came home,slack here n there,then went to cp met sinyee,rachael,dernise and michelle.we went to michelle's house n watch house of wax (which i must say is damn gross kan ).then ya we drank abit.then we went to bishan where we waited 4 renee n steff.renee was like realli nice.poor thing la all of us bully her.anyway then we took mrt to marina n we ate steamboat .lala.damn nice la.bt freaky part was when the prawn was like moving (hello i was afarid that the prawn would bit me??).anyway steff helped by killing the poor prawn into hot soup.haha.anyway ya eat eat eat,went toilet.then michelle n i change phone 4 a while.MICHELLE I LOVE UR PHONE OK.then yes from there we went to the esplanade where we decided to sit on the roof top and play truth n dare which we never did finish it did we.we ended up having alot of fun.we laughed alot n yea it was good.then yes after laughter mum call ask where i am.we decided to cab home.we all la call 4 cab here n there(rachael,michelle,jasveer,renee) had to go home 1st.anyway they gt cab n went back home 1st.ours came 5 mins later.once we reach home,tried to explain to mum .then went on the com and off to bed at 1.

today
gt up at 8.16, bath, went down to buy roti prata .met aunty jacklyn(judith's mum.jud miss u.mus go out soon).then walk home.then left 4 finials of shaan's netball n guess hu was there la.manbir.haha.ya saw him .smiled anyway shaan's match was realli good and 4 the 1st time in 6 yrs they beat ft.everyone was like screaming la.damn happi la.they played super well.esp shaan hu i noe trained hard 4 this.SHAAN CONGRETS AH.then yes headed home .went on com blah blah.then reach mac(to met rachael n michelle).we studied n then chris came.we went rachael's house.watch phone booth(god la,launage there damn nice la).anyway affter dat .blah blah.went back to gardens. michelle went to chomp chomp for dinner.so me,rachael n chris ,slacked at coffee bean(i ate 3 packets of sugar).then went to club, play pool.chris is a pro.wadver.haha.bt nah la.she's damn good la.i look so hopeless playing wif her.anyway then ya rachael went home.i went home.blah blah.bath n here i am.yes amazing huh.yes

*if u trust me,
u will let me go*

^i wish i could look at u,
without turning my face,
thinking what happen,
to this beautiful girl i once knew^

2005-05-31T11:05:00.000-07:00

-[i tried my best,
to change my thinking.
i tried to love wads mine,
n hate wad wasn't]-

i watched crissangel.god he's like damn good la.for those bimbo's hu don't noe hu he is,he is a fuckin good magician la.omg.anyway he's super cool n omg la.the things he do the way he do it.amazing.n hey he got his soft-side n his humor.anyway before that i watch formula one.sunday's race.god la i wanted to cry coz ah i notice la ralf schumacher these few races has had it realli bad.sad.button was ok.nt like before.aiya.next grand prix is on the 12th of june kan.y so long.y cannot be every week.god.

to this some one k ,i care 4 u alot.i love u.god sometimes i just wish i had the right words to say.i can't imagine wad it was like before i ever met u.four yrs girl.four yrs.

-[you know I love you so
I swam across
I jumped across for you]-

*I wrote a song for you*

*crissangel,supernatural:now i'll make a burp appear*burps*

2005-05-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

-[Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so. ]-

yst met up wif sin yee and jasveer ,we went to play pool.play play.then racheal n michelle came followed by chris n her friend. n then shantal .then play play until gt asked to leave.then ya slack at the pool side.blah blah.then headed to video-z n rented movies.then went to coffee bean.back to video-z n back to my house.watch movie(michell,racheal,sin yee).then headed to mac.had this "thing"bout stayin over each other houses.then ya racheal n michelle went home.me n sin yee went to club.then sin yee left n i went home.bath,count coins,went on the com.n slept got up stuied n here i am.god Yellow by coldplay is realli nice.i don't have much to say i guess for the 1st time i am happi that the sch holidays r here.

*I'd bleed myself dry for you,*

-[Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,]-

2005-05-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

-[i know wen u say,
that i'd be ok,
ur only trying to make me smile,
but do u know,
ur really making me cry]-

ok european grand prix just ended and yeah as sad as it was i have to give it to alonso(whom i don like veri much).he drove very very well and even in the last minute where kimi raikkonen was leading he did not give up he drove all the way and maybe to his luck the ice man's car gave way and as sad as it is for those rooting for kimi, we have to hand it to him because despite the fact that he's car was giving trouble he pushed so hard to keep it 1st.maybe he should not have done that but neither the less it was good.micheal Schumacher had a good race but i guessed he wished it was better.good race for him.he droved really really well.to button and sato whom just came back after two races suspenion i think they drove pretty well.overall the race was good ,very exciting and this is to show that hey even in formula one the race is not over until the chequered flag.

*my brain is tired,
my eyes are closing,
my body is weak,
but it is your presence,
that keeps me going*

2005-05-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

-[But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm not okay!
(Trust me.)]-

i hate it wen u look down on the one person whom i realli care about.the one person i look up to.the one person that i confide my problems with.no its not her i am talking about it's somebody else.so what if he does not please u,does that give u the right to criticise him,does that give him the right to judge him.to say things.i think not.wenever u say things about him it disturbs me because i just hate it.i hate it that u look only at the surface of people .don't u ever bother to look beyong that.it pisses me off really so much and it has been many times that i wanted to just shout at u"WOULD U PLEASE JUST THE HELL OUT".maybe if u would to just keep a few comments to ya bloody self.it really is damn pissing.and yes i don't gt u sometimes.one time ya praising me for the world and before i know it ya scolding me for the minor things that i do.i know that i owe u alot for the things that have/are going to happen but excuse me if i walk out on you.don't blame anyone but yourself . call me selfish,call me cold but i don't care.i really don't.

*You say you read me like a book,
but the pages all are torn and frayed*

yeah sometimes wen i come to think of it right i don't noe what i really want from you.sometimes i wish i never met u,selfish yeah but i can't stand myself for always thinking about u.wondering if u're ok .aiya y do i feel as if i am wasting my time on you.

*Forget about the dirty looks*

i cut my hair yst at the 10 dollars for 10 bucks.ah i think it's pretty ok la.yst wen to act3 wif tasha and the i met up wif jasveer,sinyee and en en.jas n i played bowling and later we all played pool.ya it was ok.i wanna go bradel.i like bradel maybe because it's just peaceful.in bradel everything seems right.today there's formula one.yeah.it's gg to be good.i'm rooting for kimi rikkoen(nt sure of spelling).haha.it's raining god just praying it does not end up to be one of those"oh god lets just jump"kind of days.i'm out

-[I never want to let you down
or have you go]-

2005-05-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

-[i tried,
y won't u beieve me,
watching you leave today,
but i still don't understand]-

does it not hurt u when u leave someone.
does it not hurt you when someone leaves u.
does it not hurt u when someone just walks out blaming the world at u.
does it not hurt when someone bitches bout u at ya back.
does it not hurt seeing ya bestfriend hurt.
does it not hurt hearing lies about ya.
does it no hurt telling lies.
does it not hurt if some one plans to forget u exist.
does it not hurt when ya abandon.
does it not hurt when u cry.
does it not hurt when u bleed.
does it not hurt when the one person u need then just does not wan to see ya face.
does it not hurt being alone.
does it not hurt being looked down.
does it not hurt with labels like"bitch,liar,cheater,back-stabber,faker".
does it not hurt when everything starts to fall.
does it not hurt when one momment the whole world loves u n the next the whole world loves her.
does it not hurt when things don go as plan.
does it not hurt when ya hearts in two.
does it not hurt to see yaself in the mirror only to realize"that is not me".
does it not hurt to realize how selfish,unkind,cruel,cold a person u are.
does it not hurt that u try so hard but u never succed.
does it not hurt to see a love one go.
does it not hurt to realize you have been a mistake.
does it not hurt when u realize u don know who u are.
does it not hurt when ya treated like a toy.
does it not hurt when u realize others use u.
does it not hurt when u hear the closest thing to u speak such words.
does it not hurt to hear u have cancer or smth worse.
does it not hurt to realize the one person u care 4 does not even noe ur worth more then a ruby or even 10 bucks.
does it not hurt to hear everything,the truth and the lies.
does it not hurt that it has to be over.
does it not hurt to realizeshe/he's not yours.
does it not hurt that ur the only mistake that ever took place.
does it not hurt to be her.
does it not hurt never being able to tell others how u feel maybe because the only friend u have is one.
does it not hurt to realize it's all just a game,just a play that has a sad ending with tears rolling
.huh tell me does it not hurt to realize that atleast one of the above has happen to u.

this is over.this story that was written in my head.it ended not when u left but when u came back.im just not sure how to look at u again.what do u think i see.i use to see this special ,kind,understanding,loving,always-hearing kind of person but now it's change huh.ya i don have the right to judge u but i'm worried and i'm hurt and the only the tears i ever shed were for you so how can i pretend that i don't care.i wish i could have break.a small break from u would do the trich huh.i don't know.u mean so much to me but i get so angry and pissed and hurt when i think of the inner story .i do wish i was a bit blind because then i would not know it's happening.i'm not going to moan and groan and whin all day stating how unhappy i am but today i am going to pray for you.

3 things i am appericiate

1)my brain
without my brain i cannot think.can;t listen to much.can;t figure out whether what i am eating is spoilt.i would not be able to maybe speak nor hear.without my brain i would not be able to be what i am today.

2)sleeping
i know its lame but can u imagine if we were always awake and we never slept it'd be like horrible coz even the makeup won't be able to cover up nature's work.i appericaite sleeping because is that not when we dream the dreams that we wish to see and dream the nitemares that gt us prepared in the head

3)mucleus

yes lame yes.but imagine having no mucleus.i won't be able to yawn/type/eat/talk/move and so on.

"this is over"
2days ptm was not all haha nor was it hehe.no comments.i did so badly for my exams.anyway went town the bank down there.then went to see the used t.then went jim.then went chomp chomp then went swimming.2morr gg to watch act3 n maybe go out at nite.feel like stayin over somebodies house.my feet has this bubble sort of thing.its damn dis but it's gtting on my nerves as its realli damn extra.

-[i made a wish,
maybe a selfish one.
hoping u'd be mine,
instead of fallen leaves]-

2005-05-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

-[There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...]-

god why is it that even at 10.53 in the night there must be voices.loud voices.maybe thats what i'm most afarid of .LOUD voices but don't ask me y coz i don know.just a fear that grew up with me.there's something wrong wif my words and thoughts today.

"i tried to be perfect,
but it just wasn't worth it,
i don believe it makes mi real"

suddenly i feel confuse.i don know.ever heard that sometimes feeling confuse is good.i heard a great story today and though i don know the character , i feel effected.i don't know.

"she will be loved"
2day went town wif dernise,sinyee,nicole,jasveer.its was fun.nicole was realli weird the whole day but then again its nth new.nicole kept falling down /tripping over smth or dropping smth.DEAR ARE U FEELING OK.haha.gabriel came too.ya his nice.headed home only to realize my poor feet is tired and it looks as if it's been torn.POOR THING.2morr there's ptm.scarde. i hope mrs soon does not say anything that might gt me in trouble(freaky).sad to hear i did not make it to the top 10 in my class this yr(i think).i'm gtting piss minute by minute now.WOULD U MIND LEAVING ME ALONE 4 A WHILE. nt say that if i don go nw i'd just die rite.liverpool won.wow great game .liverpool realli deserve to win no matter hw much i did not wan them to.they deserve it.

to this some one: u'll never walk alone.i promise.

* i won so badly to close my eyes,
to dream my dream,
and to leave with the wind*

i'd give up forever just to touch u,just to whisper"i love u"

2005-05-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

-[And I don’t want the world to see me’
cause I don’t think that they’dUnderstand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am]-

hello i am suddenly in this mood where i can't explain loads of things.i'm feelings veri angry maybe because sangeet is being the biggest idiot that she kan be or maybe i'm just angry over minior things.this whole week has been so good for me,except 4 the receiving of results part.

"you bleed just to know you’re alive"
i bleeded quite a few times these week,sometimes i feel as if i'm in my world,in the unperfect side of it.i feel i am a bit demanding this week.i want so much so done but i don give my chance to figure out what is needed to be done.i don know if u gt mi,but the easier way to say this is i feel lost even in my own thoughts.i heard stuff these few days.i don understand, if u kan't trust the one person hu'm u thought u could trust or had so much of trust in her/him, WHO KAN U TRUST.

i was thinking of smth the other day n i think i was rite in thinking that is u go somewhere 4 a long period of time,or if u break friendship/relantionship wif someone u can never expect life to be like it was be4. u can't just come back n think everything is normal coz its nt.u left us out of ya life 4 a while n nw u wan to come back, it won't work.it won't be like it was.it won't be great,it just would not be n i hope u know that coz wen u left ppl hurt.so do u think by comin back everythings n everyone is ok. i am nt a toy.remember that.i maybe be use to alot of things to alot of habits n all but i don wan to be use to being felt like a toy or smth k

"And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t
Coming"

this week i have felt as if i need to cry but i just can't cry.i feel weak but there's nth to feel weak about.maybe its all in my mind,but today felt good.i hadn't drank "root"beer in about two weeks and it felt good but it should not.i don't know what i want to say.i am quite confuse.i thought of them also these few days,just wondering the image n the story.i know i'm a bit selfish .i am glad i never kew them n i wish i never do.

"And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life’
cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight'

sometimes at nite i think of you,but i should not.i did say that ur nt mine,n that fantasy time is over, but now to come to think of it,i lied to myself. maybe i do like u even if its 0.555% or more .u just seem so perfect to mi that it makes me feel right.i don't know if u gt mi,or even if u know it's u, but i like u.

-[And I’d give up forever to touch you’
cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that i’llEver be
And I don’t want to go home right now]-

2005-05-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

-[But it's nothing new
I've been piecing it together]-

hello formula one just ended and u noe what it was damn good la.

Kimi Raikkonen (Finland) McLaren 1:45:15.5562.
Nick Heidfeld (Germany) Williams +13.887 seconds3.
Mark Webber (Australia) Williams +18.4844.
Fernando Alonso (Spain) Renault +36.4875.
Juan Pablo Montoya (Colombia) McLaren +36.6476.
Ralf Schumacher (Germany) Toyota +37.1777.
Michael Schumacher (Germany) Ferrari +37.2238.
Rubens Barrichello (Brazil) Ferrari +37.5709.
Felipe Massa (Brazil) Sauber +1 lap10.
Jarno Trulli (Italy) Toyota +1 lap11.
Jacques Villeneuve (Canada) Sauber +1 lap12.
Giancarlo Fisichella (Italy) Renault +1 lap13.
Tiago Monteiro (Portugal) Jordan +3 laps14.
Christijan Albers (Netherlands) Minardi +5 laps .

ya thats the results and wow man.it's one hell of a race.i gt the whole family watching except sangeet n panji.nvm.wow.2day i watch perfect score.this movie la.preety nice.anyway manu lost to arsenal yst.huh.that was like the longest fa match ever.anyway paul scoles miss his pentaly. sad but thats life huh.some one's gotta lose but the world has to agree that the cup should have belong to manu.they created so many shots but like my dad said their ending's were horrible.arsenal played quite good also la.reyes gt red card.the van perisa(h/w u spell) nt bad la.i find him cute but everyone thinks he got's this veri sadistic look.anyway i have found myself a new crush .yes weird. but its KIMI RAIKKONEN.he's so cute and believe it or nt he's married n he's damn young.if i'm nt rong in his late twenties.maybe 26 or smth.he's smile is realli realli amazing n his from finland.haha.nothing much up suppose to go to snow city 2morr but i'm lazy.anyway MICHELLE LEE u gt me stuck on this song.failure by design.it's realli realli is nice.anyway next week also gt grand prix.so good huh.i'm out.

-[this time i've got nth to say]-

2005-05-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

-[This is a lesson in procrastination
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated
And every single second that I put it off
means another lonely night I got to race the clock]-

AH.SHUT UP WOULD U.complain here n there. for God's sake man,u wan the whole world to be worshiping u if i'm nt wrong.u want everything your way.please la.i live here.i have things to do.don go rushing me through my work just because you want to use the bloody computer which u could/have used.haiz.i am trying so damn fu ck ing hard to be realli nice but your really weird because when someone tries to be kind ,u just give them a reason not to be.really weird.but hey it's none of my bussiness is it.it never is.nobody tells me anything.HELLO. i do happen to live on this earth if u realize even if its for 5 minute.

-[the geniue in the bottle,
owes me one last wish]-

i don't realli know why i am angry.am i suppose be all so sad 4 ya and give ya way.i am sad but to give u way just sounds weird.i am not that kind.anyway whatever la.venting my anger does not benifiet mi in anyway.anyway i was like in the bathroom the other day n i just happen to notice that i had a cut .bt weird thing is that it hurts whenever i twist my had a bit it does hurt a bit .anyway i have to go.manu vs arsenal soon.yeah baby. its gg to be good.

i can't wait to watch star wars.yeah man its gg to be so good. i heard from ppl that its damn good.anyway i'm out.i vision heaven turning upside down in just a few minutes soon(coded)..haha

-[And we just want sleep,
but this night is hell
I'm sick and sunk and I blame myself
because I make things hard and you were trying to help
I got no gas, I'm winding out my gears
This is one more day on the verge of tears]-

2005-05-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

-[ever tried to forget what u want to remember]-

hello.today i decided to look at the palm of my hand bt my eyes seem to drift to my fingers and i notice maybe 4 the first time how much i have damage the skin on my fingers. weird yes. i gave madeliene a scare yst wen i pok a needle wif string inside my fingers which looks as if i'm sewing my hand.lame but i can't help it.results all are out.yes i am preety sad about all of the results but wasn't i the one who asked God for nothing more except passes.ya.i only fail two subjects and i couldn't be happier. dnt,n geog.the rest of my marks are all border line.i'm kinda of happi wif my compo marks.25/30.my english was horrible.chem was sweet 24/30 and physis was a shocker since i said i prefer physis to bio. i got 9/30.ya. dnt i manage to gt 23% i think.which i think it's preety good 4 mi.anyway besides the results a couple of things have happen and though i tried to be a lil kinder to u ,u just force mi to be unkind.gt it.i know its not easy to be u but u never do give someone a chance to be nice to you.anyway i went to town IN MY SCH U wif jud yst.i saw stephaine.ya.so happi kan.veri long time nv see her.her hairsytle is cute n nice.anyway jud went to the denist ,then we ate at LJS,then we headd to borders.u noe rite i bout an ice-cream from this guy and whilecrossing the road i drop my spoon so i went to ask this other guy who was selling ice-cream 4 a spoon and he said no.he said because i did not buy ice-cream from him so he would notgive me a spoon.fr god sake's ITS JUST A BLOODY SPOON.haiz i went to borders n i realize that i realli wanted to read "i'm a believer".do u noe i never knew that if u cut a certian part of ya hand rite,u'd feel this great numbness and all.i'm realli bored.maybe i'd play.today manu n arsenal are playin.2morr is monoac grand prix i can't wait.gg to be so exiciting .i'm tired.

*dawn is here,
n so is sarah.
mummy !
can i go out n play?*

2005-05-19T07:27:00.000-07:00

give mi the ligh,n i shall pass it on

2005-05-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

is it ok that i cry, n u laugh

2005-05-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

-[This isn't me,
This isn't you
,When it's just everything we do.
Till you open up your eyes,
and understand this isn't real.]-

there is nothing much to blog except that i want to take a few minutes stating down 5 things that i'm grateful 4(small things)

1)electrity

2)the birth of bill gates

3)the opening of 7 11

4)micheal jackson

5) health

ya.bill gates because if he wasn't born we would probably be using some software call doors or mac and from exprience its not that fast,nor is it easy.

for seven 11 its because can u imagine if in the early morning ya up maybe 4 school or work or smth and u juz feel like eating something and since the only type of shops which are open 24/7 is a roti prata and it does not realli goes well in the early morning wif ya stomach.so thank seven 11 for being open.

if not for elecrity i would not be here at 11 smth at nite updating this wonderous thing call a blog coz then it would not exist as without electriy you can not run things like the computer,ya music set,the tv, and so on. and without these stuff i would love to see the world surive or i would love to see i surive.

for micheal jackson because from what my cuz shaan said, this man did so much for music that even though all the rubish stuff about him, he's damn great.anyway without him, there would not be such a thing call music video's. and the music now would be just diffferent. i don't believe in the rumors one single bit.not because i like him or anything.

and for health. imagine if the worlds health was so bad.people can't teach and so on la.ya i am crappin loads but ah.just felt so much to rite what i appericaiate.

oh yes one last thing i am grateful for

living in singapore.ya i may complain day and night about how hot singapore is.or how prices of things are high and all. i can truely say i love singapore because its safe, and there isn't anything that singapore don't have.haiz.i am grateful that i am here,instead of some village in heaven-noes-where.ya.

ok ya might think i'm nuts but i'm bored.and maybe a bit tired.2morr maybe gtting back a few papers ya.

I'M GRATEFUL FOR MUSIC

*i'll teach u how to swim and u teach me how to drown ok*

i'm melitig

2005-05-15T22:21:00.000-07:00

-[Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been]-

ello its about one week and two days since i've blog. 7 months more to my birthday and 62 more days to the release of harry-potter. i HAD so many things to say but it's all forgotten now.exams over.i lost my wallet but cathy found it and i'm damn grateful for that.THXS CATHY.i wish i had something to say but i don't.i have nothing.in one whole week.i have nothing to say.so much for that "draft".results shd be out soon.should i be scarde?

*i'm melting*

2005-05-07T06:38:00.000-07:00

i did this one day

2005-05-07T06:36:00.001-07:00

this is sick

2005-05-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

i love them to bits

2005-05-07T06:35:00.000-07:00

i love em loads

2005-05-07T06:34:00.001-07:00

i love this

2005-05-07T06:34:00.000-07:00

this pic is damn nice.not done by mi .wish i could do such nice stuff though

2005-05-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

-[i'll be juz fine,
juz give mi a minute,
or maybe an hour,
i'll heal this wound,
i'll make it better.
i'll use your love,
but i'll never trust you]-
*juz rote,don copy*

hello today was good. i'm gg to miss punjabi school. 2 months or it.to be happy or not to be happi.played pool and stuided wif tiffany,shantal,shamin,margret,phyllis.i love pool.so fun.haiz.i want to play.anyway i finially went jogging and i feel good.tasha's staying over.2morr got formula one. sato and button are suspended for cheating.haiz.sato is good though and so is button.anyway can't wait.2morr if gg to be a wow day la.1st gym, then jimmy, then squash, then tution, then formula one.wow.monday geog.Y AM I NOT SCARDE.tell mi.haiz.

things have been and to think about it i feel silly with my thoughts most of the time.nothing left to say except its been one whole week since i've given up on u and i feel good.lala.

-[ u noe i hate life]-

2005-05-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

-[here i go,
so dishonestly,
leave a note,
4 u my only one.
n i noe u can see rite through mi,
so let mi go,
n u will find someone]-

hiaz.yes.have decided to let u go.it'll never work out.never.so i rather leave it nothing instead of smth.anyway these few days have been good.today had squash.n its so fun.though now my back-side the bone quite painful.its so fun.haiz.i lurf squash.manu is playing at 11.haiz.dun noe if i'd watch.realli feel sleepy.today was ok i guess.nth great.met all my cousin(ok nt all,bt tasha n sharan).yes i lurf them loads.mum has decided to gt mi my mp3 ealier then expected.i want black colour.yes.so nice kan.hiaz.saw it today.after squash mum n i went to plaze sing.for fun i guess.bout this t-shirt.which is realli nice.i realli wanted the pants.bt i'm short.n pants were way too long.never mind.the dinner was great.hiaz.bt i was tired.nw gt hindi movie on.hiaz.i hate them.bt this one sounds realli good.anyway to this one person please don lie n make it seem as if they are the bad one's.i can't believe u turn ya back on them.so cold .realli cold.u ahve changed.bt screw dat.the whole world changes.bt god.are u realli trying to lose ya friends.i hope not.because being lonely is not fun.sat was realli boring 4 mi.haiz.in the end.went heartland ,ate pizza.came home.n watch tv.thats all.Aunty davin ,mami ji, n aunty Inder were here.Aunty davin n mami-ji left today while aunty Inder 2morr.it's so good to see them once again.i heard Uncle ken ,Aunty Tanjeet is coming in nov-dec.ya.i can't wait.even their two daugthers are coming.i don think i've ever met them.bt then again i might have.i can't wait la.haven't seen them since mama-ji's birthday in kl.miss them ya.anyway dads has a cold n so has sangeet.poor things.haiz.god bless them.nth much to say .so i'm outta.

-[i tried to let u go,
to 4gt u,
so dat even wen the end comes,
it woulnd't be,
the heartache i wasn't prepared for]-
*juz written by mi,no copy*

2005-04-29T02:03:00.000-07:00

-[my hearts in two,
n i juz can't be bothered.
no thanks to u though,
didn't u say,
it never did matter]-

school was ok.nth great.blah blah.nth to relfect on.nth to say.so much anger.where is everyone. feel so badly to scream. feel so badly.to runaway.ya run away form ya problems.u may think.no. wad a dumb thing some one said today.

"if u don like ya life.ask god to take it away for u"

dat is so damn dumb.because trust mi.i've tried.haiz.suddenly back to these thoughts.bt i can't be bothered.want to badly to do so many things.say many things.feel like sreaming.feel like running to fantasy.ya . call mi weak.call mi soft-hearted.i don care.no wait maybe i do.haiz.was looking at my old testi.n a few other ppl's old testi.juz felt happi.juz felt haiz.i dunno.juz nw nt in the mood for anything.haiz.

here i go,
so dishonestly,
i leave a note,
stating my happiness,
to see u smile,
bt tell me smth,
hw does dat help.

i try my best,
to be happy.
bt pls don blame mi,
wen thoughts of death,
juz flow right back

i'm realli sorri if i've hurt u,
n u may call mi selfish,
bt this life's mine,
so juz go away,
oh wait,
u were nv here.

i want so badly,
to scream,
to cry,
and juz to pretend,
that i nv came.
* juz rote.don copy*

i try my best juz to pretend that i don care.bt i do.i do so badly.coz i don't.y would i want this feelin inside of mi gone.haiz.u may nv gt wad i'm trying to say.haiz.sometimes i wish i was a book.so dat i could read wad i'm feelings.juz want so badly to shut the world out.my exams r like next week.y muz i feel like this.haiz.

-[Then on that last day
he breaksAnd he stood tall
And he yelled... and he takes his life]-

-[i'm sorri .
bt maybe nt]-

2005-04-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

-[There was no point in worrying yet..
.. what would come, would come...
and he would have to meet it when it did.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000]-

we always know that no matter what that is going to happen.some times we can control it n other times we can't. what will come will come. i rote a poem.both veri confusing.i was damn angry today. for one. i have detention for the whole exam period juz because i did not see ms chow yst. wtf la.she think we all veri free la. bt i rather stay back during the exam then after it.coz i rather enjoy then have spend my afternoons in that freaking school because of not seeing a teacher. that is juz lame. I SHALL RITE IT BIGGER. THAT IS JUST LAME.LAME.LAME.LAME.SILLY.AND STUPID.STUPID.STUPID.only idiots do such a stupid thing.i mean common she could have juz booked us or smth.y dentention.its damn silly.its stupid.it a bloody waste of perious time.N THEN THEY SAY WE NV PUT IN EFFORT FOR OUR EXAMS.oh give it up.man.its things like this.that.puts our mood down.haiz.wadever. la.maybe some good will come out of this bloody fucking shit la.hopefully.hu noes i may do well.hiaz.so piss la.want so badly juz to scream at her.juz to shout at her.n yes aruge wif her.bt then if i do.i am only inviting trouble.ufo la.

ok i am realli trying to calm down.bt its juz damn stupid la. i mean this is perious time. i can study wif this time.nvm.today was ok.today was bad.juz don noe wad i am doing wif my life these days.am gg to try super hard to striaght it.n if i can't.i'm gg to ask 4 help.i realli do need it.n ya.japeth juz told mi gt promtion on the zen touch thing.wahh..i wan.mum said she'd thing about it.haiz.i wan it so badly.like nw.nw.nw.bt then yes muz go n uploads the songs.n blah blah.ya.ya.patients.smth i nv had.haha.ok.feelings much better.oops.time's running.have to go n tape oc.haha.these few days.haiz.its gd i guess.bt dats dat.

-[ life is a rollarcoaster,
full of ups n down.
juz wondering nw,
wads my end like]-

2005-04-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

-[Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been givenI sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a languageI don't understand]-

haiz.i feel good.despite the fact that i'm sick.i am quite happy.haiz.i manage to finish the collage for LA ppl only.haiz.no comments.juz realize dat i am eating my food like super fast.ok weird.haiz.i didn't go to sch today.haizjuz nt feelin well.gt mc 4 pe bt only 4 2morr(rats still have to se her face).haiz.juz lookin at the past n i realize.hw silly i was to have those miny fights wif ppl.haiz.dats dat.jojo n mi ok.ashlee n mi r ok.jasveer n i r ok.its good.

* i hear silence*
hey this is msg is 4 someone hu'm i care alot 4.i noe dat despite wadever u did to mi n all.its weird to noe dat i still care 4 u.i'm great there is no silence between us.n its even better. i don wan u to ever leave.juz would be to weird.ppl ask mi.wad it is about u that every one likes.n then i start to state hw special u are.becoz its true.u r special. u are veri weird.n i'm leaving it to that.would i cry if u were to leave.of coz. u are one footprint that can nv be washed away by an water or current.

haiz.nothing much to say.juz thinking that is u were to go,hw life would be.arrgghh..hate that thought alot.haiz.i am glad to studied to today.lit.though.haiz.nothing else to say.so i'm out

3 things i appericate

1) for every one i ever met

2) for this beautiful thing call life

3) for how my life is now

suddenly down.i wonder whats wrong wif mi.it realli is freakin hot these days.guess the suns all happi.haiz.my mind is suddenly block.juz veri blur.haiz.i'm off to study in a few mins.n then i guess..i shall go n bath soon.haiz.i better go.have this feelin i'm gg to be toking crap soon

-[I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hideI won't go
I won't sleep I can't breathe
Until you're resting
here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me]-

too lost in yoo

2005-04-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

-[Dont you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
Dont you ever say
You dont like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
Youre better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
Cause theres nothing bout you I would change]-

ello in school nw n i'm here to blog.lets see.sat morning was bad.had this veri bad flu.n was like sick n all.bt had punjabi exam.so had to do it.ok i guess.then ya blah blah .went home slack all the way.then met judith at sfx at 5.50.haha..then mass.was ok.then me n jud went mac to eat.then we were liike toking n toking about everything esp the past.the stories.realli fun.then went home.slack for a while.then went to bed(sick).my whole body was aching n some more this cough.slight fever.cold.haiz.then sunday woke up at 12.then ya bath eat.shaan came over n taught mi science.haiz.then wen on com.blah blah.sandir call mi.we tok.then went on the com to chat wif him.then sharan came.we watch formula one.so exiciting la.alonso won wif a timing of 1.27 followed by Michael Schumacher who realli had a damn good race.from 14 position to 2nd.super good la.his timing was 1.48.realli so exciting la.even sharan gt hooked on to it.haiz.
Michael Schumacher 1st two races were like bad.bt this one was good.if i'm nt wrong.home ground.haiz.then ya afterdat tried to go to bed(sick).bt couldn't fall asleep.so watch a bit of soccer man u won newcastle 2-1.so nw if arsenal were to lose their coming matches.n man win their next.it shd be good.haiz.only 2 more matches if i'm nt wrong.then gt up today.realli didn't feel good at all.bt i'm here.later got guitar.haiz.i lurf guitar lessons.so fun.
these few days i try super hard nt tok think about u.bt i have failed.haiz.haiz.i realli can say i lurf u.n i juz can't wait till we next meet.bt then i here.about smth else.god.i don noe.i feel realli sad about the whole thing.bt i guess partly my fault huh.realli wanted so bad to tell u.bt i guess.it'll nv happen.
my new template nice rite.sandir they all say cannot read.y.i like this template alot.haiz.don care.next grand prix is on the 8th may.exams r here.n i'm proud to say i have been studying(so good).haiz.

-[Did you ever look did you ever see that one person
and the suttle way that they do these things and it hurts so much
,so much like choking down the embers of a great place.
Its the moment when when you are seeing two spare dispersionsand
to scream confessions at the insipide sky parting clouds,
you let this one person come down, in most perfect moments,]-

*u'll nv walk alone*

*n she will be love.i lurf yoo*

* You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try*

2005-04-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

-[am i better off alone]-

i have so much to say.juz dat my thoughts aren't in place.it has been freakin long since i blog bt everything i wan to blog,i lose my words.haiz.i'm having one of those feelings again. wad wrong wif mi.maybe it u.haiz.its always u huh.i don noe wad to say these days.feel like sharing bt then come to think of it.do u realli wan to noe wad i think n if u do,y do i feel as if i'm troubling u.haiz.i miss the primary 6 days.it was damn fun.n i nv thougt that i lacked anything n even though i had my morbid days i love it.haiz.i don noe y.i gt damn sick of u.nt dat u did anything becoz u havem't.just thinking of u.makes mi wanna puke.haiz.wads wrong.u realli did nth.haiz. feel lost.ain't gg to blog much.maybe its because i'm realli sick of u.everytime i think of u.i gt all angry n then sad.haiz.dats dat.n then i feel like a damn toy.bt i guess alot of ppl feel dat too. bt noe hw everyone has another friend n all.like b1 has b2.n barney has his friends.n hw spongebob has patrick.i wan someone like dat.haiz.words are no longer the truth hais.feelin damn shitty

2005-04-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

-[I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own]-

ya.dat is kind of what i'm feelings now.lonely.i feel so confuse about everything.examx r coming nearer n i feel stress.bt stress of what.haiz.so much on my mind.just i can't my ink.i feel as if, i had this map once.bt now its gone.n i'm just lost.not realli alone.haiz.i don't know if u gt what i'm saying.that r many things i wish to do in my life.bt then i think of it.it feels so pointless.i don't know what i'm aming for these days.not sure what i want.just veri confuse n realli lost.my mood if realli low.music. haiz.my oxygen.haiz.i don't have much to blog.bt dat is dat.my ink is no more black.my life is no more whole my soul is no more full.haiz.wish wad i'm feelin goes realli soon.hate this feelins like hell.exams r commin.god.what the hell am i doin wif my life.hopefully this is just a fade.

*leaving in silence*

. pls tell mi this is the end.pls tell mi,these r the last few hours.tell mi i'm going.tell mi it's time.tell mi i won't be sheading anymore .tell mi to say goodbye.tell mi. to leave .

-[my whole life came crashin]-

2005-04-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

-[ur still u]-

today was good.reali good.could not have been any better.or in my words.perfect ok.day started wif mi.gg to jimmy.doing a few problems.let see 6 .haha.so proud of myself these days la.anyway then headed for mela(a punjabi word 4 funfair).haha.so fun.1st got lost A BIT.then met shireen at the main gate.then met manprit,gochie(nt sure hw to spell).haiz i miss her alot kan.then ya met balraj,sharon.and lot more.then i saw sandir.ahh.i so happy la.wen i met him.haiz.then went walking ard.met more more people.met jaspreet n my god.she gt preetier n preetier each time i see her.then met ashwin.she was last time in my punjabi sch.bt she left.n my last memory of her.was having a fish bone stuck in her throat.bt she's nw all better.and she's also damn preety.damn hot la.then ya met loads more of ppl.met amarpall(he went back damn fast),amritpal,parvinpal.balrin.n more.then saw alvin.haha.i always see him wenever i go.then ya met anson.then ya go walk walk.dilmeet came not after there.then i went wondering dun noe where.here n there wif load of different ppl.shaanvir was there to.haiz.i feel bad la.bt he understands.n thats good.then saw sandir aagin.then talk talk.then left.then play play.drank loads of water(maybe even more then 8 glasses).ate wedages(which i hardly ate).met sonika.saw hevin.haiz.i saw nash.then play play.talk talk to sandir.his time won one,then lost.haiz.i miss him alot.so i was damn glad to see him smile n all.akwinder,gurleen n amrita came not long after dat.hang out.walk like hell.saw elvin.then blah blah.saw rashwin.jagroop.n more.haiz.then saw the twins that was in our class last time.n ya.in the whole i had the best time.although my feet nw pay the price 4 mi.i walk alot la.then yes.went iaa,met mama ji.then shaan won second n all.then we went zam zam.buy food.then sangeet was likecalling us alot.trying to decide whether she wans to eat wif beki they all.bt ended up wif us.then i ate.bath.then went to send mumi samy.then went shell.put in fuel n all.haiz.happy.then ya came back.watch football.fa cup-semi finials.manu played against newcastle.manu won 4-1.damn good la bt i think the refree biased towards newcastle.haiz.i saw smith.haha.so ya my day was perfect.would i trade it at all.no way.nw listenting to dat chinese song on cam's blog.i lurf dat song.

i don have much on my mind.i guess seeing sandir really cheered mi.up alot.the whole time that i was with him.i didn't think of anything nor anyone.i miss the old times.the past wen he was in punjabi sch wif us.it was so fun la.nw he left is like damn quite.i'm glad i met him today.n i'm glad i went to talk to him.sandir if ya reading this I MISS U n dat is just the fact that no one can ever change.every one there thought i still like sandir.bt i don.i jus miss him.it's like seeing some1 hu u have nt seen 4 damn long.haiz.i could go on about today n about how much i miss sandir.bt i have to go.mum's calling mi.i have to stay back 4 dnt 2morr.mrs soon didn't sound happi wif mi.haiz.dats dat.n i'm also glad i watch football today.i haven't watched it 4 damn long.n i'm damn glad i didn't spend my time on the com.haiz.i guess the com is really rulling my life.exams r in 2 weeks.freaky.haiz.am gg to study like hell.i realli wanna do well.don wanna fall.bt hu wants to.

2005-04-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

-[i'll be jus find,
in that world of yours,
bt in my eyes,
perfection will never stand.
not now,
not today,
and defintely not forever]-

-when i was a lil girl,i would pretend i was ok,whenever i'm not.wenn i wanted to cry,i was to afarid.as the yrs flew by,this "act" hasn't change a single bit.-

i juz blog yst,bt i realli have so much to say.like 4 one,i suddenly feel like crying.y is't that wenever smth happens,i will always gt effect.haiz.maybe it good because then i can understand even if its nt 100 %.To that special some1 i don know what to say anymore.i could realli go n by telling u hw much i lurf u,n hw much u mean the world to mi.i could rite an essey stating everything beautiful about u,everything so rite bout u,everything that made mi falll 4 u bt i know feel,i've wasted my time.it'll neevr happen.the day i tell u hw i feel,will never come,i can always pretend ur not the one in my heart nw.and trust mi i am damn good in pretending.so i'll fake a lie n pretend ya nt mine,bt deep in my heart, u have been ever since that 1st day.below r msges 4 a few ppl.hope u know which belongs to u.

n theres u , u entered my life,in the most shocking part of it.bt u have left a footprint in it,n though i know one day.u'll be there n i'll be here,whats in my heart, will never change.coz love u yst,love u nw.always have,always will. i wish u don ever have to leave mi. bt what mus come muz come.n if u ever need dat ear, juz don't ever forget.that even if u r in the south of some never heard of country.i'll be rite here waiting 4 u to come back .

n don worri im here 4 u,i'll always be.ur my sunshine, n though i feel invisable wen ya ard at time,i won't be wen the rain pours damn heavily.if there's one person i would wan to talk to my whole life,it would be u

n here u were,u were everything to mi.wait u are everything to mi.there is't anybody like u. u r one in a million and i love u. i can proudly say i am ya friend.i don care what the world has to say about my dear,becoz in my eyes,ur juz the perfect friend everyone could ever wish 4.

u nv left,mi even wen i hated u.is that weird. u had so much of faith in mi,bt i had hardly.i don't know what to think.u had gone through my tempers,my madness,my mood.u've seen mii in every possible angle.i may always act as if u mean nth to mi,bt to be honest, u do.i remember the talks we had in the past.that hasn't change much n i'm glad that even in the coldest rain.u were my warmth.

u left mi,n though i wished u nv did.i miss u.i am glad god made us meet each other. u were my miracle. we were close dat ppl always thought we were bestfirend bt we were nv.i nv told u hw much u mean to mi.n u left like that.maybe it's my fault . i seem nt to tell alot of ppl things.bt no.even if u read this.i wan u to know.that i'm damn grateful u were my friend.i'm damn grateful 4 all the nites u stayed over. damn grateful 4 all the jokes,stories n gossip we shared.i'm damn grateful 4 u.becoz i don think i would be here if not 4 u.

and that is the end of my thanks.look if i leave this world 2morr( n i'm juz sayin dat i meet wif an accident or the world suddenly starts to freeze n all), i am grateful 4 every single one of u.

-[if u feel like dyin,
pls inclue mi.
if u feel like crying,
pls include mi,
if u feel like laughing ,
pls include mi,
beacause i wan to feel wad u feel,
i wanna be wif u forever,
i don ever wan this to end,
don wan this to be over.]-

2005-04-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

-[So deep that
I didn't even bleed and caught me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that I didn't even bleed catch me I.
.I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that I didn't even bleed catch me I..

.I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got]-

haiz this song is just in my head and so is the chinese song on cam's blog.today was good k. i went temple..and ya.so happy.i'm so glad i didn't leave any earlier then i wanted to.i saw elvin.haha..i saw sandir, nash.n alot of people la.just veri happy.i talk to harlene n all.ya.then i went to jimmy.n wow.i really did surprise him by doing alot of problems kan.he was so happy.haiz.then as jimmy was leaving 4 his photoshop(unbelieveable).haha.i went to buy roti prata 4 mi n chris.then jim came back.say the photographer was late.so he ate his lunch with us.then chris edited my story.then ya.slack here and there.then head home a lil while after sangeet came.came home.i went on the com.only to find out i am dearly missed(haha,so think i noe).which realli was a nice feelin.then bath.head on the come.listen to the used "all that i've got".which is so in my head.haha.then talk to hevin.only to find out that her day was not gd at all.talk to whole lot of people.only to realize that there was this virus spreading.n it's damn tricky.i hate people hu start virus.it realli is sick.i mean just to recover what was lost once the virus hits the com.is really damn expensive.n therre i was wen i was young wanting to be a heckek.what idiot dream i had.anyway.then.i found this poem that i have been trying to find 4 a week now.and i was so damn happy.then studied a bit.then ate.then was talking on the phone and they played addective.and god.it sounded just so nice.and that really made mi happy.so thxs to the person hu requested 4 it.then.yes.ate.apple.then.studied history.then here i am.n my mum just told mi smth about raffles town club.u noe i miss that place so much.haiz.so nice kan.the rooms are damn nice.and its just so nice la.these few days .i have been editing alot of picture.

to this special some1 . i don noe if u noe this but u realli mean alot to mi.like realli alot to mi. and if everytime.ur sad.i feel it to la.weird i noe.bt if anything bad were to happen to u.i would be realli veri sad. u mean the world to mi.n just that everything i read the words u rite,my heart just breaks into 2. i miss u..n i care 4 u alot.n i noe u have to rite wad u feel.bt would u please talk to somone..and always remember k.wadever happens.hu ever u turn out to be in the future.i will be there to listen even if my words are never perfect.

*u'll never walk alone,i promise*

2005-04-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

-[please just don't play wif mi,
my paper heart will bleed]-

ello my exams r like coming .in about 2 week.n everyday i do nothing except try my best to want to study. only a few words to say

.are my words no longer perfect.
aren't my world no longer safe,
is this smile form the heart,
or is it fake,
like this heart of mine.

i don know y.u make mi have a impression dat your word is perfect.becoz i noe it nt.nothin is.nt even barbie dolls.which are suppose to be perfect.no words are perfect.no day is perfect.no soul is perfect .no house is perfect.no bodies life is perfect.coz if it was.wouldn't it be so dull.bt rather it dull .some might say.these few days i'm nt sure hu i am.oh wait hu u r.bt dats dat.people change.and tiffy realli does make it a point that i know dat every single day of my life. bt dats dat.n i don blame it on anyone,except this process call.growing up and life.

* i tried to be perfect bt nothin was worth it.i don belive it make mi real*

2005-04-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

n this is perfect 4 mii

2005-04-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

i edited it nice..

2005-04-11T05:17:00.000-07:00

mii n nicky..lurf ya

2005-04-11T05:08:00.000-07:00

pic blur..n i lurf it..bt i lurf my sweetie cake even more.

2005-04-11T05:07:00.001-07:00

lina n mii...u rawk girl

2005-04-11T05:07:00.000-07:00

mii n sweetie 2..lurf her loads

2005-04-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

-[My tea's gone cold
I'm wondering why I
..got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window.
.and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
It's not so bad..]-

i don know if u noe.but i do like u.but that is that.my weeks been ok.maybe even great.gt no ideabut the week has gone by.and i have been trying so hard to study.to get info into my head.to be hardworking but y do i no longer seem to care bout anything not even myself.have i suddenly given up on everything.

waking up,
from this nitemare,
hws ya life,
wads it life there.
is it all wad u wan it to be
(empty apartment)

then every sunday i come to think,what have i achieve in the week.and this week was nothing.and thats that.its been a week since the pope died and few hundred in the world had died,and in a week,my n jas r ok.n in a week,my n ashlee aren't.and in a week i rote two stories with this brain of mine.and in a week i have become nothing.in a week. i did nothing.in a week. i try to shut up and listen but all i did was talk.in a week i tried not to give up but i failed.and in a week.i was no one except myself.and so now i can say.i am everything ur not.and ur everything i'm not.

n u would think i'd move on(dido white flag)
ya everyone always likes to act as if nothing happens after a conflict.where am i gg in this topic.yes.wen a fight happens and if everything is soo happy n good the next day ,those hu fought,don go figuring out y the fight occured and even if they don the opp side won't tell.is life weird yes. went to template today n mama ji said that there was a sign which said
" remove our footwear,and cover your head"
does that make sense.it would .but in proper english it makes no sense and thats the fact.the amazing thing about english is that its weird and no one can ever understand it.i have been thinking alot.about life and everything.is it all what we wan it to be.4 the 1st time today i helped out in the temple and i feel good.amazing how doing somethin like dat can lift up a person sprits.and 4 those hu drink or smoke and all.its amazing how from being so sad and all after a puff or a drink everythiing can change.

* wan to make her feel beautiful*
maroon 5

every imagine if ya life is perfect.chris once said that barbie dolls was created because people wanted something perfect. i don honestly thing theres anything perfect about a barbie doll.back to perfect.y try n be perfect wen it's impossiable and please don say nothing is ever impossiable coz if so i would like to see u try n fly with no wings.sad to say red bull doesn't give u wings.manu lost to norwich.no comments.i lurf them still and thats that.nothing no1 say.esp parvinpal will change my love 4 them.i have to go.

*pretend i'm nt hurting*

fake a lie and pretend to fly.i miss u loads.juz too bad the past can never be played again.i shall look into the future.hopefully i meet some1 like u.bt until then i shall go n fantazise bout u.

2005-04-09T10:16:00.000-07:00

nice or nt..i lurf this pic to bits

2005-04-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

this is copyrite if u dare take it.rippers shall perish in hell.* lurf yoo*

2005-04-06T08:58:00.000-07:00

-[I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me ]-

ello..ok.don't have much to say.except these few days..i really feel like changing the world.feel like changing everything i can't change and all.juz not really myself these days ya.have so much to say but how to say.wen to say.and who to say is all in my mind.ya.i broke my record 4 not getting booked today.for my belt la.forever.monday i came back early from school.juz felt unwell mentally and physically.so much i want to do.but i keep telling myself i can't do it.don't bother much about stuff in school.i wan my old self back.i miss my old self.damn it.

u'll nv walk alone

2005-04-03T06:10:00.000-07:00

-[ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold
my life just hasnt been the same ohh baby, nooo
when I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go
I just broke down (down)]-

this "passage" is taken from natelie going crazy.ya.it reminds mi about some1.i do miss her alot.things are better between she n mi.bt can i help it.dat sometimes i feel angry that she left without no sign.and dat she blame mi 4 smth.wen she could see.i needed help.i dun noe.i duno y.i can never let that out of my mind.she means loads to mi.honestly nw i am tryin nt to cry.n my best nt to wan to cut.honestly.THANKS CAM.ya.toking to some1 help.sometime's i feel selfish.coz all i think.is about myself.anyway.a joke was played.i noe i have the rite.to feel angry.bt i feel childesh.bt the anger in mi juz won't go away.anyway dats the past.and i shoulnd't be dewllin on it.for any more longer.it'll jus make myself feel horrible.childesh.and more.anyway was watchin f1 juz now.alonso won.timmin 1.29 smth la.damn good kan.better then the race in malaysia.quite intrestin.m.sch was out in the early 1st ten laps.damn sad .his.car.gave way.pope died.at 7 smth.maybe our sch may have holiday.sad his gone.bt thats life huh.one goes.one come.sometimes.i.envy.those.in lurf.it's nice to feel loved and to be loved.thats what i think la.manu drew to blackburn.damn sad la.they had alot of shots that missed.max from roswell would always say this"u create your own destiny".hw i find dat so hard to belive.destiny is something we can nv control.wad will happen.will happen.n dats dats.have been readin fanfiction again.damn sick la.had this story about gay people.damn sick.*pukin*

[I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch]

*wen u give ya heart to a person,
ya nt only givin them da rite to lurf,
bt also the power to hurt*

*u'll nv walk alone,i promise*

2005-04-01T06:59:00.000-08:00

-[step out the front door like a ghost,
into the fog where no one notices,
the contrast of white on white ,
in between the moon and yoo.
angels get a better view ,
of the crumblin difference between wrong and rite.
i walk in the air,
between the rain through myself and back again.
where ?i don't know.]-

wad i juz typed out realli explains how i feel..i feel lost..bt then again..i don't know y.these few days.i have been havin it rough..though i don show..nt everythin's ment to be shown.i have been so confuse,i feel as if i don't belong here .i just feel so extra these days.i really try my best to shutup and just keep quite.so that people don't get irritated.i try my best to say all the rite words,and to be the best i can.bt i fail.i always do.i don't know y.honestly now i only wan one thing.juz some one to listen.there are loads of ppl i can tok to.bt i wan to tok to some one dat wen i speak i won't feel as if i'm burdenin them.i don wan to share wad i have to say to some1 hu's not close,though i believe telling a stranger is always the best.the closest friend,has her own problems. bt then then wen i come to think of wad i wan to say if some wan were to listen.i juz stop.i have so much to say.bt wad are they.wad are my thoughts.i don't even understand how i feel.wad i feel.so wads there to say to my listener.i know i'm not the only one.going through a rough period of time now.sometimes i wish.i think i'm better off being locked up some where.coz if i was locked up.there wouldn't be much to think except wad to do once i'm free.i don't know if u gt wad i'm trying to say.i do hope do.i realli am hurtin n i really did surprise myself dat i haven't shed a single tear so far.these days have loads on my mind.
.was readin fanfiction about everwood.there was this story.it was called my fatal flaw.everyone knew he was there wen they need him.but wen he need some1 .everyone seem to have either drifted,or have their own problems.their own sadness.which leaves him all alone.no one to talk to.he didn't wan to trouble anyone.he talks to his late mother.and then from there.he knew.if she was gone.y hadn't he gone with her.so he decides to be with his mother.and that was that.it's really sad.honestly i don plan to kill myself.or anything drama or silly.bt i juz feel like exploding.i feel like a coward.i feel like a helpless child.i just feel dat my journey was worthless.

n as Hagrif would say
"wad would will come"

3 things i appericiate
1)memories
2)money
3) my lurf ones

*maybe things weren't ment to be like this.*

*u'll never walk alone i promise*

nv walk alone

2005-03-27T02:45:00.000-08:00

[i can see clearly nw the rain is gone,
i can see all obstacles in my way.]

i feel good...damn good..the weekend was damn good..defintely one to remember..ya..friday went out wif fiona n matilda..went to ps..then jim..then i head home..to pack 4 shaan's party(which was so good)..had a bad mood at the start la..then so ya..took taxi wif masi rani,masi veena n tasha(my dear dear bit too crazy cuz)..once we reach there(pasiris park the bunglow there)...said hi hi..n juz slack 4 a while(ok my memory here bit block)..anyway from wad i can remember..we(every1 there)..went down to da beach(da pub n all)..then mii sharan tasha..went to play the playground..haha..so fun..then came back to my dad..ask him buy mii drink..then went to buy food n all..ok..then blah blah..hang out until 10 or smth like dat..then head back to the bunglow(shaan's friend n all)..cut cake..slack..then ya few ppl left..then the rest hu stayed over..went to da room..shaan's friend..kirthi(nt sure hw to spell)..showed us magic tricks n all..then ya played fizzball..so fun la..then i slept ard 4 in da morning

next day..

i only gt up at 11 smth or smth..every1 in da house went 4 lunch or smth..so mii n manji at home..i watch a movie call cheaters..ok la..then parvin came back..then da rest came back..i ate a bit..then went to beach..the rest swam i couldn't swim la..anyway then brought parvin n sharan to da park..here n there..then after a while..headed home..started to rain..blah blah..some more tv..then wen masi veena came..then ya da party started la..coz shaan's friends also came..then mummy sami started to bbq..then ya blah blah..gt drink..shared stories..ate..then did da marshmellow thingi..gt sick after all..then ya cake cuttin..cake nice..then talk talk talk..n be4 i knew it..da day ended damn fast..bt fun..(played loads of fizzball)

the next day which is today..gt up late..of coz la..da rest 4 lunch..except mii sharan n tasha(sharan is my dear dear cuz..whom happens to be crazy..)...den we slack lor..eat..then ya the rest came back..then played football..so fun kan..haha...my leg painful..haha..then went to da play grd..also fun again..then ya came back..some more football..then badminton..then fizzball the whole afternoon to evenin..then ya nw at home..n i dun wanna go sch..damn tired..

shaanu..if ya readin..i had loads of fun...this weekend..ya..happy birthday to ya...n sandir..if ya readin..happy birthday to u too..to the rest hu have entered my life..i lurf ya guys..even though some of u..i hate your'll..jkjkj..

three things i appericate

1) my family

2) my freinds

3)my life

[its gg to be a brite brite sun shinin day]

oh ya..i juz realize i don realli like u..juz a crush..ya..i'm out..

[u'll nv walk alone.i promise]

2005-03-24T05:53:00.000-08:00

1st think of a person hu lives in disguise,who deals with secrets n tell naught bt lies.
next tell mi wad always e last thing to mend,e middle of middle n the end of the end?
n finally give mi the sound often heard,durin e search 4 a hard-to-find word.
now string them together n answer me this,
which creature would u be unwilling to kiss?

(harry potter goblet of fire,page 546)

*[an hour long u'll have to look,
n to recover wad we took,
your time's half gone,
so tarry not,
lest what u seek stay here to rot]

(harry potter goblet of fire,can't remember page.sorri)

one week has pass since i last blog..ya..sat was nitemare..so don really ask..sunday squash, then played table tennis wif family n eris..haiz..she's soo cute..la.anyway i also watch formula one..so exciting la.Alonso won..ya..congrets ya..shaan's b'day is in 1 hour n 54 mins..haha..weird of mii to count ya..sandir birthday is24 hours n 54 mins to his b'day..haha..ya..yst was fun..ya..niki n mii played "football" outside klazz..usin our fingers..haha..then ya pe..i "shouted" at ms low..n i felt good ya..maths was..haiz..no comments la..fun yes..bt so damn biased or sm1..anyway dun care la..then history..ok la my results la...then english..mrs soon was angry..ya..then assembly..they on the air-con(finally)..haha..then went home ya.nwayz yst was good i think coz i realize i still like..hu am i kiddin wen i say i give up..

*[but wen i need you,your almost here,
n i know dats nt enough,
n wen i'm wif u,i'm close to tears,
cause ur almost here]

*[i'm crazy over yoo]

nw suddenly nt in da mood to blog..realli sorri..i veri moody these days..la..somemore today haiz..so shit la..anyway i'm out..sorri..

*[u'll never walk alone]

2005-03-17T04:02:00.000-08:00

have loads to say..4 one..i feel good..u noe y..coz i have decided to no matter..stop always thinkin of death..ya..n i thank my dear sam 4 dat..ya..i dunno y..bt was talkin to her last nite n all..yesterday went out wif sam,mad,sheryl.ya..had soo much of fun man..i bout a new headset..n u noe i am nt regrettin it..i treat sam,mad,sheryl to dinner yesterday n jim n his gang also came to da club..haha..then i saw the spongebob show u noe ..oh god..so in lurf wif him kan..then somemore tasha came back(dude i miss ya..haha)then sia gave them spongebob soft toys..haha..thxs tasha..anyway..sch's gg to open sch..n i am proud to say that i have learn't a couple of things this holidays..number 1) those hu actually pretend to be my friend are nt..n i mean it mean.it..really..nw its so obvious hu i can call friends..nw..ya..n u noe wad..no matter wad happens..n even if i were to lose ya..u noe wad..i dun care...coz.. nv ddid too..ya..haa..punjabi sch was fun..man..rite..manprit..ya..haiz..i miss sandir..i mean i miss the fact dat last time he was always there..n dat wen he was there..ps can nv be called borrinn..coz he mad eit fun..realli haiz..sandir if ya readin..dude i miss ya..n i think the rest of ps do to..ya..anyway..was suppose to meet 4 breakfast..bt hey it didn't wokr..so mii n sam met 4 lunch..then headed to jim..ya..i have yet to go n ask u.eddi to check my com..it is soo nuts..man..ya..i also realize from this holiday THAT I NEED A BLOODY HOBBY MAN..realli..i probably will be the 1st human to ever die of boredom..speakin of death..have u ever heard of any1 dyin of pain..haha..weird yes..i was juz wonderin..hw do u die of boredom..nvm lame..yes...have been watchin practice..wif mum..gd the new guy..his so good..man..ya..anyway spent my day watchin jap animi..n u noe wad it rocked..i'm out

to sam:girl i lurf ya man..thxs loads 4 everythin really..
to mad:weeeeeeeeee......sweetie cake..i lurf ya..
to jimmy:god..u rock..juz dun be soo irritatin la..then i'll come often nah k..haha..lurf ya too
to a bunch of pepps":haha..i am soo glad to realize dat i have been used by ya..n u noe..wad..i feel gd nananana..
to one idiot:yo..if u have smth to say to mi..tell it too.mi..if u dun wan to talk to mii..pass a letter..juz wadever u do..DO NEVER MAKE SOME1 YOUR BLOODY FUCKIN POSTMAN..thx

2005-03-11T06:45:00.000-08:00

hihi..there's juz so much on my mind..so much dat shouln't be on my mind at these age.so much of stuff dat i hate..god..i dunno leh..i have been havin those thoughts again..,i have given up on my four-year old crush..i have been very weak these days..n i haven't been caring much bout myself these days either..4 one i haven't eaten dinner 4 bout a few days(which izn't mii)..

its ok to be angry n nv let go,
it only gts harder the more that u noe,
we came together bt u left alone,
n i noe hw it feels to walk all on my own,
(empty apartment by yellow card)

i haven't been caring bout my stuides infact i haven't studied the whole week..n dat sucks..my results are ok lor..32/50 4 maths n 30/40 4 science..i nt dat happ bout it..ya...i have been havin those dark n morbit thoughts again n ihate it even more..i went to the libary wif jud the other n then i read everwood..dman nice..then came home n read fanfic..had this story where ephram thinks of sucide..haiz...after readin that my mood has change..i have been thinkin of jojo..n hey she said thxs to mii..wen i "gave" her a sweet..ya..hopefully things will be better..ya..

and to know,
to these Question,
let her go,
learn a lesson,
its nt me,
ur nt listentin ,
nw can't u see,
smth's missin
(empty apartment)

i am feelin very lost..i dun have controll on everythin..nt even myself..maybe dats y i have nt been eatin like last time where i use to snack like one crazy kid,coz eatin is smth i can have controll over n ya ..juz so lost these days..if u take notice of mii maybe ya'd say they same thing..i was talkin to myself yesterday(in my mindexcuse mii)..n ya i was doin so much thinkin bout so many things..hw i wish i could let everythin out on the internet bt it would be a misuse of it..

wakin up from this nitemare,
hw's ya life,wads it like there,
is it all wad u wan it to be,
does it hurt wen u thin bout mii,
n hw broken my heart is,
(empty apartment by yellow cards)

have been makin collages of pictures...ya its nice la.my stupid com is nt workin..piss..piss also becoz..on of my cloest friend nv tell mi smth dat i feel as a damn good friend to her,i shd be told..anyway w/e la..can't be bothered..bout givin u up..hiaz...hw did i ever..its simple..i think its pointless to go likin/lurfin some1 4 4 bloody fuckin years n nv lettin dat person noe(weird)..ya..,nw days i don feel like gg on wif my life anymore..juz seem so pointless..ya maybe its the effects of bein loss n recoverin from bein sick also.

i tried to be perfect,
bt nothin was worth it,
i don believe it makes mii real.

if u believe its in my soul,
i said all da words dat i noe,
juz to see if it'd would show,
dat i'm tryin to let ya know,
dat i'm better ,
off on my own.
(pieces by sum41)

ya i feel like nw..realli..bt then wen i look at my friend n i see hw their live's are..esp one of them..n i admirer her becoz..no matter wad has happen..she nv (wait to mii dat is)..toks bout death..hw horrid of mii..ya..bt dats juz mii...wadever my entry is nt realli gg anywhere..i noe..so hmm...
ya one thing dat will nv change bout mii like i said in pri4 was dat no one can ever change my thinkin n dats realli sad..coz i wish some1 could..coz i'm sick of myself..thinkin of sucide wen i have everythin..great family..good life,ok grades..good friends..n a preety sweet life..bt there i go bein selfish ..bt i realli cant help it..ya a problem i have..juz haven't that solution dat i'm waiting 4..anyway i'm out..peace

2005-03-06T02:23:00.000-08:00

smtimes i dun see the point of bloggin wen wad i wan to say..is gg to be read by ppl i dun wan to let them noe wad i am thinkin..make sense i dunno..i have loads of stuff in my head..like the river ain't flowin nice between the sky and ground(coded)..and that the wind is always a gust of wind..that will nv change..or that..the flowers u thought would blom dies be4 the process is over..or that the tiles of the roof are jus not smooth enough..someone could fall and break their legs..or that the ink is not realli blue like it's suppose to be..no1 may gt wad i'm tryin to say..no1 except myself..n hu noes maybe in 10 years time i'll be wonderin wad i was sayin/feelin..ya..i have loads on my mind..bt i never realli find the time to tell some1 wad the colour of the water is..ya..maybe the forest afterall is the best place of burning down trees..haiz..the princess of the river..haiz...juz feelin wad i am nt suppose to be feelin..juz confuse..n mixed up..i'm out..

lurf u

2005-02-28T05:38:00.000-08:00

i was juz smsin eva.tellin her hw i think dat fate is amzing..its true..everythin happens 4 a reason n even if u don noe wad the reason it..u'll find out..n wen u do..it may be good..it may be bad..ya..bt i hate the fact that my whole life is like story book which has already been ritten..and i nt noeing bout it..i think i am damn weird..yes..there are things u can't control..like your feelins for someone..ya..its weird..i can't wait to meet god..i think it'll be damn nice..i have loads of Q to ask himm..ya..juz found out some news dat ain't that nice..was shock yes..bt i hope things gt better 4 her..i nv knew wad was hidden behind those smiles..the past is the past.we should never let the past interfer wif our tml ,dats wad cam said..ya i agree wif her totally..ya.sometimes i wish i was like her..u noe the words she use..damn good la..she'd make a damn good poet..and ya a teacher..weird...imagine..well ain't hard..i have had those dreams..speakin of dreams..i had these weird dream yesterday..it was like a mixture of my past and maybe a bit of "my future" if u noe wad i mean la..freaky yes..am glad i have made sec1 friends..mus be al-rounded wad..ya..chelsea won yesterday..damn pissed..poor garred..scored own gorl..nvm..i hate mourinho..arrgghhh..so damn thick skin la he..can't stand haha..ate roti prata..today..happy ok la today....really don have nth much to blog..juz dat i dunno..la..geog 2morr..w/e..hate geog..the subject i mean..yes w/e rite..anyway i'm outta..

always here 4 ya

aii lurff yoo

2005-02-27T05:57:00.000-08:00

aii lurff yoo
yes ..i lurff yoo loads..even if u never noe bout this crush i have..haha..weird..shoulder hurts..2morr sch..ouch..yes..ct starting on tues..plan to come back early.2morr..and yes maybe go to clu and study wif mad or smth la..nth much to blog..honestly..so i'm outta..wow girl..u've change,,n guess wad..maybe i'm starting to realli like the new u..yes..

hihi

2005-02-24T05:10:00.000-08:00

my day was ok..wait it wasn't dat quiet ok..manu lost..yes i kinda of predicted they'd lose..caroll..haiz..nvm..we all make mistake..juz learn from ya mistake k..ya..chelsea lost..mourihno wants to complain say wad refree is biased..no commetns..i juz can't stand ppl hu lie and cheat so dat others will like them..dats one reason y i am damn frank..i will never lie to some1 to please that person.nv..coz i noe u can never please the world..yes i miss jojo..i miss tokin to her..i miss everythin bout her..bt thats the past..and that it is..i have made peace wif one of my friends..ya ..am happy..bout that..i miss her..no doubt bout that..memory..something so powerfull..it can brighten u up..and it can also pull your mood down..yes....i was havin "flashbacks" again..of yes the past..durin cdc period..and ya..its weird to say that no matter hw hard i try to gt u off my mind,try to forget u..i can't..coz i care loads 4 u..and i would be very heartbroken if anything were to happen to u..would i cry..of coz..would i cry alot..of coz..coz u are not juz some1 hu i care about..u are some1..that i really like..that maybe even lurf,some1 dat i can never hate..and yes..fate is amazing..i like to state..everything happens 4 a reason..yes..i agree..and ya..shd i be sad..nope..u noe..if i could live aagin..i would wan my life..juz as it is rite nw..bt maybe i'd open my eyes wider this time...i don't know..i really try to forget u..by gtting into relantionships wif other ppl..bt it never works..bt plan fails..coz all i have to do is think about u..and i'll realize 4 maybe the 100th and something time..that i only like..u..and no1 elese..its weird..i almost wanted to tell u hw i feel..imagine..if i did..it'll be horrible..die of shame..yes..wad a coward..i am..no need to say..
haiz i always say i'll give up on u..bt in the end..i never do..yes.thats to chris..i have gotten hooked to the used..taste of ink..its soo nice..ya..has loads of meaning..i think..haha..sick..still..god..stomach ache's..my head..omg..i'm outta of here..cam is ya readin..,u aren't alone..i'll be there 4 ya..
and same to the rest of the ppl i noe..i'll be there 4 u..even if i can't help..ya..i'll listen..coz my brains aren't that advance yet.

my views on a couple of things

2005-02-21T18:31:00.000-08:00

to be happy or not to be happy..my view on chelsea losin

if i was a bit older i would have beat probably a 100 on chelsea winning yeah..and honestly i was damn shock wen i heard they lost( i was sick n therefore had slept early and missed the game)..so my reasons to be happy

1) with 9 players alll gd..nw injured...god bless chelsea
2) manu will now have a chance to win epl if they don play dumb
3) fergi shd be celebratin
and so shd the rest of the other club,no off chelsea fans
4)i guess Mourinho will nw think twice about bettin 13m on his club
5) chelsea players would have come down to earth by now
6) n yes hope fully Mourinho will be less thick skin

reason i feel sorri 4 chelsea
yes although i am a all-time manchester united fan(forever)..i have to comment that Mourinho is a good sport. if arsenal was playin newcastle and newcastle would have won..Wenger would have blame everythin bt himself and the fault of his team..as in he would blame the refree,the wheather, the pitch being like this and that and so on where else Mourinho he admitted he made a mistake and he makes no regret and yes his team mates dun go around throwin soup and pizza on people's head unllike SOME TEAMS..yes.Mourinho despite bein upset bout the lost he went to congrets the newcastle team 4 playin well..and shoke hands with every1.. and yes he doesn't moan and goarn bout his lost bt mean common chelsea has afterall many chances (no comments) in winning other clubs and yes my last reason 4 feelin sorri 4 this poor club..they lost 9 good players..god bless ya..man..ok w/e enough of football back to my world where things aren't as bad as chelsea's or shd i say Mourinho's lost.

i am sick..have been sick since sat..i haven't seen a doc..am suppose to see one like an hour ago..bt yes..u shd noe my house..doesn't matter .my throat is killin mii wad to do..life..yes..fair..your nuts dats all.ya..didn't go sch today and yesterday..good life..nope..throat hurts..stomach hurts..slit fever and the list goes on..gt loads of things done yesterday like 1) shaan homeworks2)history3) maths4) air-con5) mum's filling 6)saw the reply of the match..hopefully the day goes well 4 mii today..MY THROAT HURTS...so much..wanna cry almost..haiz..ya..i have been confuse these days maybe the sickness is gtting into my head..haven't seen her around so yes maybe my temper is gone..ya..talk to sam yesterday yes i miss her loads..wanna go bradel..i miss bradel.weird i noe..ya..captains cook new students deal is teriyaki chicken and some vegi and all..n yes....shall be eatin that wen i go back to sch..i miss sch..i miss seein all my friends..i miss every1..rite...heheh..have been makin a few ppl queit happy..let see i am helpin tash find templates so ya good..help my mum..yeah and all..ok w/e..my mum wanna use the com..and yes i feel i am gttingweaker as the mins go on..shd be sleepinnn soon..rite..w/e..
cam is ya readin..u ain't alone
lurff ya guys

2005-02-17T18:55:00.000-08:00

hihi..in sch nw..like wat the hell kan...damn pissed nw..she go and tell ppl wad false story..n i dun u go lyin say u u nv k..i gt damn proof..u wanna proof u come to mii la..ass..haha..sch's cool..dats all..life's been gd thats all..exceptm 4 her..eva if ya readin thxs 4 cheerin mii up yesterday..lurf ya loads..cya

idiot jasveer..think i care i don

2005-02-14T01:41:00.000-08:00

JASVEER KAUR..u think u wad la..huh..ppl try to be nice u bloody hell go n pretend i nt callin la..u think u wad..princess are..my ass la k..then y u soo scarde..,y u don noe hw to tell mii wadever u rote on your blog bout mii and tiff..huh..scarde 4 wad..u wanna say smth u can say to my face kan.....scarde wad..haiz..u really make me damn piss..tell other ppl..all sorts of rubbish rite..all the make up stories..dun lie kan..i ahte liars,cheater,n ppl hu make up stories so dat other ppl juz pitty them..yesterday match against manc was ok la..manu won..2-0..haiz..stupid refree biased sia..only last min..he see fergi damn piss already gg to explode..then he start siding manu..stupid rite..i miss smith haiz..today was good..except 4 JASVEER KAUR u really screw my mood..kan..haiz..anyway i meet anson 4 lunch..hiaz..ya fun la..after eatin we wen jim's..then he walk mii home..he met my mum..haha..no comments..nvm..haiz..i lurf yoo loads..ya..thxs to all hu gave my gifts..your'll rawk my world...anyway gtg..gg to buy tv..n dunno wad la..hahaha..bye bye

JASVEER KAUR..thx u 4 nothin..i hope tiffy post the poem i rote on friendster..can't be bother..

2005-02-10T02:22:00.000-08:00

constantine rawks

hihi..nth much to blog..juz have been having loads of thinkin..bout life ya..bout heaven and hell..duh..and simply about my past and my future ya..i don really noe wad's gotten into mii..these few days..i can't be bothered both loads of things..i'm dg the sillest things the world can think..and ya in simple my life is a mess..i have loads of ppl i have to make peace wif..i've been gting damn angry over the smallest and stupidest thing..and haavin tempers which aren't quiet me..change ..totally..wad am i gg to do..i ahve gt no idea..i reallly don..things haven't been gd wif my friends..haiz..i juz don noe wad to do wif myself..bt nether the less..i try to be some1 that i was..huh..i don gt it..i've change..so much..hw i wish i was my old slef..i feel better havin all those stupid thoughts...and ash..god i've lost all of my respect 4 u..to be honest..i gt no idea y..smties i feel as if to u i'm a toy..to u i'm juz sm1 u go to wen no1 is there..i noe its damn low 4 mii to think of u like dat..bt i dunno..i don noe wad's gotten into mii..

arrgghhh hw i hate changes
i miss my old friends,esp her..u noe smth of all the ppl i had lost..i don noe y it was u..maybe it's 4 the better..bt i miss u..i miss everything bout my past..i miss everything..i miss every1....my moods been low ..ya w/e rite..i noe..haiz..

i see because i want to know,
i know because i want my thoughts clear,
bt if i had known it wasn't worth it,
would u still be by my side?

aii lurff yoo anson

2005-02-06T05:55:00.000-08:00

hihi..only news to say is dat i'm super happy..mi and anson r back together..haha..yes yes aii lurf him loads..no wonder the change of template huh..hahah..2morr is sch..hw nice..went to orchard juz nw..dad really made mii feel older..coz he said dat i can chose wadever time i wanted to come back..normally they tell mii wad to come back..anyway do i make sense..haha..i dunno..la..juz happy..dats all

aii lurff yoo anson..haha

happy happy..

muckz muckz

2005-02-06T05:54:00.000-08:00

aii lurff yoo
Posted by Hello

2005-02-06T05:51:00.000-08:00

ain't she cute..god..
Posted by Hello

2005-02-04T03:36:00.000-08:00

we rawk..

2005-02-04T03:17:00.000-08:00

peace at last..as if..fuckin ass la..blogspot is sooo...arrrggghhh..can't stand la..bt gt ppl even more hu'm i can't really stand at all..laugh wad laugh..haiz..u think u soo cool...arh pls...ur such a copy-cats..thx god he made us enemies 4 life..praise to him..no offence..anyway sch was cool..juz damn borrin..really nth much happen..gt piss la..haiz wads up wif mii these days..juz feel/want to cut...then somemore i keep shouting n i gt damn piss over silly things..was santa claus day..gave ppl chocolate..so now SIN YEE cannot say i owe her anything..hahaa..haiz..lurf my class loads..2C RAWKS MY WORLD..bt the GROOVERS RAWK IT EVEN MORE..ain't that kool..haha..today had cca..really wanted to do our usual stuff..bt had cca ,juz realize since sch re-open rite..i have made quiet alot of friends..n even manage to make friends wif sec1..haha..weird..anyway techno songs are starting to gt into mi..keep singing that FOODS ON THE TABLE SONG..haiz..no thxs to gris n sharifah..wanna go out 2morr bt then gt to go temple..so sian kan..haiz..wad to do..tiffy n all gg out..i wanna go..wanna go..can't really be bothered bout sam these days..nt say she has been bothered...in sch..it is as if like i'm an alien form mars or sm shit..la..then mmm..damn hungry rite nw i lent 5 dollars to mat..haiz..nvm i at home wad..yes i am still damn piss at the one an other..u-guess..haha..won't be that nice to say out her name..bt do u think i give a damn..i don..nt even 1 bit..haiz...feelin damn fuck rite nw..haiz..wad is rong wif mii..these days juz haven't been myself...hater of life..starting to be..can't be bother of things..am nw..haiz..wish didn't have to go to temple 2morr.then can go out 2morr kan..really wan to go out..nvm..no comments la..piss nw..piss nw...piss nw..fuck la..haiz..don mind the lanuage nw would u..juz a damn piss...PPL PVER MY HOUSE DUNNO HW TO STOP MAIN NOISE..only nw hoe to think of themself rite..so nw i thik of myself la..u neo coz today cme rite..we acted our solution thingi out rite..coz fo tiffy's idea..haha..bt nvm soo fun..n niki..girl..i lurf u loads kan..y u sooo cute..i can't help it..haha..bt no la..groovers rawk my world ..groovers rawk my world..happy sad..both..angry yes totally..wanna die..nv..wan some peace..totally..god..feelin like breakin that fucking recorder kan..haiz..w/e la.think i can be bother..yeh rong..i don give a damn

help

my mood if damn low

2005-02-03T05:12:00.000-08:00

ello..ok these few days mood suxs..haia..today i shouted so damn loud in the basketball ball court kan..damn angry bt i dunno leh..maybe its mood swings..haiz..w/e la..anyway yesterday jas nv come sch.haha..so ya after sch went to cp wif,fiona,mat,tiff la..then ya after dat i went to mat's house down there..then me fiona n mat..do cyclying n all..then est came..then she left..then suzycake came then jas also come..then tiff also came..then after a while tiff wen back..then they all skate/rolloaw blade /cycling..i was juz hanging out..haha..then ya afterdat ard 7.30 plus left..wif jas..then ya reach home..ard 8 30 plus..happy haha..then ya today put stupid alarm 4 5 only gt up at 5.30..didn't eat prata like i 'd thought i would..anywya then ya go sch..eat fish stakes then stupid stomach soo damn painful..then also felt dam cold..thouht i'd catch a flu..haha..then ya after compo test go home..rote this poem bout monday plus..oh god..hw i lurf it..haha..then ya reach home..ate biscuts then dad said no more fishstakes coz yesterday while watching the match i ate loads..hahga..then u noe today i leave my house rite..i started to hicup..i was omg hw to stop..no water..anyway reach sch..everything was fine..then haia..dunno wad gt into mi..gt dami shouted so damn loud that maybe even a deaf person would have heard..then ya anyway went home study a bit.then sleep 4 bout 5-6 hours..ard there..then ya gt up..study..then went ntuc..so sharan..ahaha..then bout sweets and chocolate 4 every1..haha..i soo proud nuts..anyway..ya then came back study then nw i end up here la..gg to sleep early ..feel damn weak today..bt i veri happy la..he still likes me dats 1..then i dunno leh..juz soo happy..coz of other things..would be weird if i said y..haha..wanna go out wif the gang 2morr..btw gt new addition to the groovers,suzy n jenntent(nt really sure hw to spell)..sorri..haha..ok i really happi 2morr is friday..then sat then gt punjabi sch..bt cannot go out after dat..have to go to temple..wonder if any1 also gg...haiz.then ya ashlee also..dunno leh.i veri scarde to trust her again..i dunno leh...anyway i'm outta..

aii lurf yeh*

2005-01-30T01:52:00.000-08:00

ok..yesterday punjabi sch was ok la..juz gt scoulding..haha..anyway..was tellin the whole world..manprits 5 boifriend..i think she angry wif me..hahahha..nvm...then ya went out wif tiff,jas,fiona..watch the finding neverland..quiet nice la..that movie....then ya came home at ard 9 pluz...brought them to the club..n shaan taught me at 1..so easy she make everything seem..mm..then a coz soo tired..by 10.30 sleepin..n ya again i miss my tv show..sad sad..nvm gt up t 10 15 ard there 2day..manu wan last nite...really tired..played game wif u.alan 1st 9-4(me 4) then next it 9-6(mii six)..haha..g gd..haha..anyway i still gt homework i haven't done so i'm off.

i think i'm fallin 4 yeh

yesterday,today 2morr,

2005-01-28T00:02:00.000-08:00

haiz..i dunnoo y i likes this template..bt its nice ..haha..anyway today was like up and down..let see..1st thing gt up late..so rush..then half-way reachinbus stop realize dat my uni had no belt..so i ran all the way home..then manage to catch the6.30 bus..haia..then ya so late reach sch..estelle irritate me like hell..i was like damn piss already..haha..then ya went 4 mass..i lurf mass la..anyway after dat had lit..haha..i also lurf lit..haha..then pe..i ran..then ya..went 4 recess then geog was decorating my book..then history..me,amrita,tiff,jas,nic..we were like all sooo sick in the mind kan..haha damn funny la..then english..haha..then ya sch over..haha..then ya wad arh..mmm..then ya sch over went to jim's..scould me also 4 wad i also dunno..i don friend him anymore..haha..then ya came home..was damn piss..fine ..mum allow me to study in my room..so i soo..happy..yaya..haha..then wad arh..ya..i rote a story bout this boy hu killed his girlfriend ..n all dat crap..i think so far it is my best story i've ritten..haah..then ya ate..then went to heartland mall..then comin back...had news bout my uncle..hu pass away..he was quiet ill already..anyway so my mum went to my aunts place..and i'm waiting 4 her..i also dunno y..sigh..really nth much to blog..haha..except dat..samantha..I LURF YOO LOADS..DON WORRI MY SWEETIE CAKE I ALSO LURF YOO..I LURF GROOVERZ ALSO..they rox too the core..all of them..been having mens so dats y gt moodswings..haha..anyway i'm off..bt i shall a lyrics to two songs k

drive myself crazy

Lying in your arms
So close together
Didn't know just what I had
Now I toss and turn
Cause I'm without you
How I'm missing you so bad

Where was my head
Where was my heart
Now I cry alone in the dark

I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you
Made a mistake
When I let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do (Wanting you the way that I do)

I was such a fool
I couldn't see it
Just how good you were to me
You confessed your love
Undying devotion
I confessed my need to be free

And now I'm left
With all this pain
I've only got myself to blame

CHORUS
Why didn't I know it (How much I loved you baby)
Why couldn't I show it (If I had only told you)
When I had the chance Oh I had the chance

CHORUS x 2

song 2
my only one by yellow card

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't,
I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't,
I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go,
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only,
my only one
i'm staring to lurf this song.really wan to put let me lurf you by mario..bt i quiet tired la..so i think i shall leave my mum a message and i'm off to bed..good nite..sweet dreams..i lurf yoo..

2005-01-24T01:28:00.000-08:00

hihi..days have been good..i guess..except 4 her..haiz..will i ever like her..i dunno leh..anyway i'm damn happy..maybe its coz.i have been thinking of some1 too much..sigh..its weird..bt i like this person sooo much..is it normall..haiz..anyway really nth much to dat i found his pic..good/bad..haiz..dunno sigh..

2005-01-24T00:46:00.001-08:00

god!!

2005-01-24T00:46:00.000-08:00

dreaming

2005-01-24T00:36:00.000-08:00

soo kool dun noe y also

I HATE YOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOO MUCH

2005-01-20T22:51:00.000-08:00

I HATE THIS BLOODY BLOGSPOT MAN..ARRGHGHGHGHGGHGHGH./...SOOOOOO IRRITATING..I ALREADY SO DAMN DUCKING ANGRY THEN IT DELTE ALL WAD I ROTE..WAD THE HELL...I HATE IT,....BT I HATE YOOO EVEN MORE..N I MEAN YOO..DON THINK YOUR SOOO INNOCENT..N THAT EVERYBODY LOVES U..HELLO..COZ U NOE WAD...I DON..N I WILL NEVER..COZ U ARE...JUZ..SOOOO..SELF-CENTERED..N I MEAN IT K..U THINK U SOOO BIG ARH..ARD YA OWN PPL..ARE LIKE OH I LURF YOO..THNGS..ONCE GT OTHER PPL..YA LIKE..DO I NOE U..ARRRGGGHHH..W/E LA..I HATE YOO SOOO DAMN MUCH..SOOOO MUCH..DO U NOE HW MUCH DAT IS..SPOILT GIRL...ARRGGGHHHH..I HOPE U NOE HU U R..COZ I DON CARE WAD U TOK..I DON CARE...I REALLY DON..IF U DON CARE..Y SHD I..RITE..Y SHD I..Y SHD I...AAARRRGGGHHHH...I HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMN MUCH...DO U NOE HW MUCH I HATE YOO..N TRUST ME GIRL...I WILL NV REGRET WAD I AM SAYIN NW K...Y NT U CHANGE KAN..GO N CHANGE YOURSELF..YOUR ATTIDUDE..KAN..W/E LA..

ok breathe in and out..mmmm..i really can't stand her..i dunno y..maybe she's self-centered...,maybe its becoz..she's so dman spoilt..maybe its because she acts so dman big..like one day if she gt no1..shes like simmi i lurf yoo..wen other ppl are around us..she's like do i noe u??..dat sorta of things..4 god sake..kan ppl stop spoiling her..can ppl stop arrgghhh..i dunno leh..maybe i am damn childesh..bt if u were in my shoes..trust me girl..u would noe y i hate her soo much..i'm using hate k..nt dislike k..i mean hate..arrgghhhh...really nt much in the mood coz of the stupid blogger la..stupid ass..1st i rite..one whole entry..then i save it..then publish it..then turn out..the blogger go n delete it...so irritating kan...wad the hell..la..k...wtf..damn piss..

maybe i am weak

2005-01-17T02:09:00.000-08:00

i dunno juz feel so damn low..bt happy at the same time..does it make sens.e.i dunno ..i miss the old times..bt then again i'm happy i've changed..i dunno..i hate the change where my parents control me like loads..i hate that alot..i hate the fact that i gt so angry so fast..i hate the fact dat i feel as if my friends leaving me out..dat i'm like one toy..i wish you new hw i feel..dat i feel left out..yeh i still trust u..of coz i trust u..hu else am i suppose to trust besides you.there isn't any1 i can really tell smth to n nt be like god-she's gg-to-tell..u noe wad i mean.i dun noe if u do..bt i really feel left out..i dunno..maybe my timming for everything is juz soo bad.dat ya i gt so angry at everything..coz whenever i wanna tok to u..ya bz..wen ya wanna tok to me..i'm bz..i feel smtimes maybe it's the end..i dunno..i'nt doing silly things..these..days..i have mm..found other ways..haha..weird..nah jk..i have become calmer..good/bad..i dunno..maybe bad..coz wenever i feel smth..i nv have the courage to say smth..maybe wad matilda say is true..maybe i am weak?
mocking bird
Yeah I know sometimes
Things may not...
always make sense to you right now
But hey, what'd daddy always tell you?
Straiten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you cryin' about
You got me

Hailie I know you miss your mom
And I know you miss your dad
When I'm gone
But I'm tryin' to give you the life that
I never had I can see you sad
Even when you smile
Even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes
Deep inside, you wanna cry
Cuz you're scared I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more cryin', wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares
We gon' pull together through it
We gon' do it Laynee, uncle's crazy ain't he
Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it
World we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusin' you
Daddy's always on the move, mommy's always in the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it
But somehow it seems
The harder that
I try to do that
The more it backfires on me
All the things growing up as daddy that he had to see
Daddy don't want you to see
But you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way
Your mother and me
But things have got so bad between us
I don't see us ever being together
Ever again
Like we used to be when we was teenagers
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over
And that's what destiny is
Well no more worries
Rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this'll all just be a dream

CHORUS:
Now hush little baby don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up
Little lady, I told ya
Daddy's gonna hold ya
Through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We feel how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy
Pretty baby
But I promise: momma's gonna be alright

It's funny I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the christmas presents up and stuck em' under the tree
And said some of em' were from me
Cuz daddy couldn't buy em' I'll never forget that christmas
I sat up the whole night cryin'
Cuz daddy felt like a bum
See daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time
Every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broken into and robbed
Or shot up on the block
And your mom was saving money for you in a jar
Tryin' to start a piggy bank for you so that you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars
Till someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart
And it seemed like everything was starting to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguin' alot so momma moved back on the traumas on a falt
One bedroom appartment
And dad moved back to the other side of 8 mile on Navara
And that's when daddy went to California with his CD
And met Dr Dre, and flew you and momma out to see me
But Daddy had to work You and momma had to leave me
Then you started to see me on the TV And momma didn't like it
And you an' Laynee were too young to understand it
Pappa was a rolling stone, momma developed a habit
And it all happened to fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
Cuz all I ever wanted to do was make you proud
Now I'm sittin' in this empty house
Just reminising lookin' at your baby pictures it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown it's almost like your sisters now
Wow, guess you pretty mucn are And daddy's still here
Laynee I'm talking to you too
Daddy's still here I like the sound of that cheer
It's got a ring to it don' it Shh... momma's only gone for the moment
Chorus
And if you ask me too daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'm gon' give you the world
I'm gon' buy a diamond ring for you
Imma sing for you I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
Imma break that birdy's neck
I go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya
And make em eat every carat,
don't fuck with dad

ok this is mocking bird by eminem..haiz i lurf it..juz dat the ending bt dis..haiz..sch hasn't really been dat oh-so-great..bt good la..haven't gt booking/scoulding so far so dat is preety kewl..dun ya think..manu won liverpool..sing won tigercup..guess shd be happy..juz find smth missing....nt sure wad..la..uh8 hasn't been dat great..i miss the old us..where all of us..were juz happy..juz thought of hw jojo and i "broke" our friendship up...bit sad..all my fault..bt atleast we still "chat" wif each other nw..bt haven gt that courage to be my normal self ard her..i miss the old gang..i don miss my old me..i haven't had those "oh..my life suxs..i hate it" thoughts..its been good..i'm juz missing smth..bt i don wad it is..still feelin control..and maybe a bit hurt..here and there..b guess dats juz the rollarcoaster of life..

camp rawk...i miss all the instructers..soo rock..

2005-01-15T01:30:00.000-08:00

camp ended yesterday at first i was like i wanna go home..then i was like huh..muz i..hahah..nah la..glad to be home..1stly..my bag was do damn heavy..and barely half of the things we use..sigh...on the bus to sch..realize i 4got to bring camp t..i was like shit..wad am i gg to do nw..haha..then ya complain complain..blah blah..then ya reach sch..blah blah..took bus..ok..then ya reach camp side..glen brief us..then pitch tent..put stuff..then mmm..change into track pants..did high and low elements..low ok la..high..didn't doo 1)nt feelin well..heat was killing 2) huge fear of heights..haha..then made friends wif that oion guy(h/w u spell)..soo..irritating..haha..was cheering ppl..esp sharifah..haiz..she look like spongebob upthere..haiz..then ya eat dinner..then bath(didn't really gt to bath..so damn long the queue)..sigh..then ya had that nite trail thingi..ya during dinner..they played loads of songs..haha..so fun...eat then sing..haiz..so fun..ya the nite trai...coz i step on sharifah's shoe lace..then she screem..so i thought gt smth..so i also screem..then the rest also screem..haha..damn fun la..then ya after dat off to bed..up at 6.30..brush teeth..ate breakfast..fun la..then ya swimming thingi..i didn't swim..coz i had flu..sigh..then ya lunch..then the rafting thingi..then ya bath..(took 3 mins..hw cool)..haiz..then ya after swim..dinner..then ya camp fire..then fun la..then after campfire..coz i nv sleep wad..i went around wishing every1 different holidays..haha..i think i was mad..haha..then ya..still didn't sleep..the whole gang of us..was up..juz hanging out.toking to kenneth..haha..damn funny..la..then ya off to bed at 3.30..round there la..then ya gt up at 6..ya..then ya brush teeth..then ya break camp..ok la..quiet fun la..then ya was cheering..haiz..then ya had prizez..congrts to all..hu wan..ya..then ya left..so fun..i miss all the instruter..even eddi..haiz..sooo fun la..then ya come back..i bath..then ya slack around..wen on com..then slept 4 14 hours the gt up at 7..had punjabi sch..gt up..went to sch..stupid principal la..make us sing and sing..craz la..then ya class was ok..wasn't really mad..my cough hasn't gone..haiz..maybe i shall see doc la..sigh..then ya came back..shaan came..taught me bout atoms..ok la..understand..sigh..nw i'm here..went on friendtser...to find every1's profile la..i mean all the instructers..fahmy look sooo funny..haha..he his la..u noe i luv the chicken dance..so nice kan..haiz..nth much today..there is liverpool vs manu..sigh..can't wait..soo tired..sigh..aii miss yoo loads...my moods been gd..juz missing that person loads..sigh....anyway i'm outta..muckz..

[aii miss yoo]*

[aii lurf yoo]*

[abandon_angel]*
..

aii miss yoo loads

2005-01-11T02:18:00.000-08:00

yo..2morr is camp...sigh..u noe how much i hate camps..and somemore i like incharge off my group...u noe hw freeky it is if smthing goes wrongs..sigh..i hate pop-ups u noe..so damn irritating..sigh..2day turn out ok..had this weird dream dat made me gt up late..lets see it was bout this guy hu goes round molesting ppl early in the morning..so i bit crazy crazy told myself 4 today i shall leave later..and ya caught the 6.15 bus..(wow..so later)..haha..ya in sch i thought today would be a bad day..bt hey turned out fine..1stly i forgot to bring my dnt aparon..so dats outta of da Q..coz had to sit outside of the klaz..bt then pam so nice..share wif us her chocolate..nice rite..haha..ya then afterdat had pe..and to look at it..ms low is preety good..hahha..bt i like ktt la..she so nice..sigh..then ya maths..had no idea wad she was saying..then recess..so damn surprise to see bell bell and cherly yeo in sch..was damn curious can..bt i don care spent most of my recess wif judd..haha..she so damn nice kan..and then jas and gris la..trying to gt me to confess dat i like chicken...WHICH I DO NOT...stupid goons la they..sigh.then ya after recess..maths again..damn sian kan..3 periods of maths one whole shot..ok..then history..ok la.my hw i think i shall do it on monday..during mt..coz like gt nth to do kan..sigh..then ya after recess was mrs soons period..coz of the phone net work rite..didn't work out rite..ya then went to cp..then realise i didn't bring my e-z..rite..so me,fiona,tif walk to sch..fiona went to change her pe t-shirt..then i went home and i meet judd again..haha..damn nice la..we were like toking as if..wait i mean i was toking like as if the bus was my uncle's or something..haha..laughing and all dat..sigh..mmmm..ya then came back..I FINALLY PACK MY CAMP BACK..i so happy la..ya then went to ntuc..to buy a couple of things..i saw rachel..haha..so nice to see her again man..mmm..then ya on the way back so sarah and jared...haha..haven seen them both for soo long..ya so it was nice again..to see them..they like always so cheerful..and happy..then i also happy..haha..weird..ya then now i'm back..have to bath..then call my camp members..and then study..wonder wad i shall study..u noe it turn out that yesterday's notes for history(which i really didn't have to do)..came to good use during history period..ain't that nice..ya...anyway really nth much to blog..ya been thinking of stacie rite..sigh..i noe she's change bt strangly my feelins 4 her haven...haha...i always thought i dislike her..bt guess i don..hha..weird i noe..ya heard quiet alot of jojo..from judd..ain't that nice also...didn't do much thinking these days..bt ya if u notice the last entry i was kinda of sad..and i still am..i am juz now..a bit more calmer..bt i still feel lost..i still feel like life is meaning less...i still miss yo loads..juz wish yoo knew i'm here..haiz..i miss yoo..i wanna see yoo again..sigh..it juz feels like yesterday i saw yoo..coz i can still remeber hw u look like..and wad u wearing...i miss yoo so much la..

[ aii miss yoo]*

[abandon_angel]*

[soo lost..wads up wif me]*

2005-01-10T03:20:00.000-08:00

i'm feelin so confuse..i'm feelin so lost..seeing her cry juz makes my heart feel even worse..was damn piss wen i left the house..and now i come back..i feel worse..bt luckly nt piss..juz confuse..juz lost..don think of life that great these days..juz suxy..god..i really feel maybe it's the end..arrgghh..dark thoughts..out..god..i feel so control..i feel soooo lost..like as though i had a map be4 me once..and now it's gone..vanish juz like that..i hate this feelins...maybe it's juz one of those days..don really bother bout much these days..juz dat i tried to be perfect bt i tried too hard i think..and now i see no point in doing anything..and i mean it wen i say that...i feel so control..i hate it..y muz every1 noe y i do this y i muz go there..can't u see that some things can
t be explain.i hate you..i really do..you question me soo much..can't u give me a break..in fact..leave me alone..i wanna be alone..i hate you ...i really do.juz gt off my back would u..i noe i'm too young to make decision bt your'll like always scoulding me for silly lil things..and lcb..i hate you even more..i hate your'll..can't your'll leave me alone..i can't stand your'll..i wanna cry..i wanna cry so much..bt some reason..tears won fall..i'm juz feelin so damn low..so sad...i don feel like that gal which i was..my mind is all so mixed up..i don seem to have any control on anything...even wearing clothes..arrgghhh..please...stop controling me..please let me be..i noe wads rite..so leave itwould yoo...

i walk a road,
the only road that i ever noe,
don noe where it goes,
bt it's only me and i walk alone.

i rather be alone rite now..then be wif you..i rather die..then live another day wif you.i rather bleed to death, then see you.i rather be deaf then hear your voice...arrgghhh..i rather leave this world..then stay on it for another minute..i rather cry then show yoo my false happyness.

please goo...leave me..juz this once..i don need yoo..you don need me..

[just leave]*

read

2005-01-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

have you ever wondered if u and ya friends would be together really forever..or maybe even last 4 5 years...ash and me ain't gg to work..i gt impation..and i gt sad and feel damn left alone..THAT IS HOW I FEEL ASH..i dunno if u noe..bt u finally thought me DAT U SHD NV GT TOO DAMN CLOSE TO SOME1..IN THE END IT'S YA HEART THAT WILL NEED MENDING...haiz..i really wish she would give me time..spend time wif me..do u noe since nov i haven seen her..and arrrgggghhhh..juz quiet piss and maybe angry..AM I REALLY THAT FORGOTTEN??..i miss u loads if u're reading this..i hope u noe dat u r ashely..i hope u realize that hey i'm rreally starting to feel damn left out..and i feel driftted away..i don blame u..to be honest..u gt ya friends...aiya i don noe la..can't u see...my heart is soo broken..it needs mending.bt it's damn funny ya only my very good friend..can u imagine if u were some1 i luv alot..arrggghhhh..dr love..can u turn into dr friendship and tell wad to do..need ya help...i have this urge to do it..i have...maybe it's nt juz ash..its a couple of things..and ya i noe it's damn lame..bt i can't help it..it's like drugs..smtimes u juz do it..without havin a reason..and jojo..i don noe..i wan u back..i noe i do..bt..u've change alot..n i really mean it..and now i ask myself.IS IT WORTH...i don noe..and ya stacie..u've change alot too..have i suddenly become invicable..have i..???..am i no more that gal u use to ask hw r ya/ that gal u use to always wan to tok /hang out wif..have i suddenly become a toy to every1 out there..i feel dat..bt i'm nt sure am i wrong..

closing my eyes

2005-01-07T21:51:00.000-08:00

ello..haha..wadz up...let see..mmm..yesterday...the gang all sat togther and jus tok..discuss our porblems..i luv it..it was so fun..haha..okie..mmmm..ok then went to buy punjabi books...then came home mad coz i wanted to go to braddel ..see sam..bt mum don allow..me..haiz..anyway it's over wad..haha..okie..then fetl damn sick so ya maybe it's a good thing i stayed at home..then ya juz tok to mat and sam..then off to bed damn early la..coz i nt feelin well sia..okie today gt punjabi sch..sigh..the morning started wif sandir toking to me..anyway went to punjabi sch..ok la..quiet borin..u noe hu my teacher panji varjit..damn rite..sigh so damn sad..anyway i gt 6 out of 10 4 spelling ,every1 thought i copy manprit coz she n me gt the same..bt i nv..y can't they believe me..sigh..the ending of sch was maybe the best la(got to tok to most of da peps)..haha..okie..dat is really bout it..afterwards gg to sharan's house 4 party...u noe today is oth last epi..aiyo so sad..I LUV OTH..it roxsi like bryan greenberg aka jake.haiz really nth to much to blog..so ya i'm outta..peace

peace aii

2005-01-05T05:40:00.000-08:00

hey i kinda of screwed up my blog..i noe..haiz...dun care will change template soon..juz too small la..bt damn nice la..haiz..let see sch has been great u noe yesterday i wrote a damn long entry bout wad i learn and all that stuff and my feelins and dman stupid blog nv publish it then i cannot find it under the safe thingi though i safe that entry damn la..aiyo..i think i'm gg a bit mad these days..haha..damn fun la..2morr sch start am praying chin chow ain't my pe teacher..btw i gt new science teacher n dat is shaan..haha..i happy la..coz i understand her damn well..unlike my sec 1 teachers esp chem..haha..okie..anyway ya juz gt damn piss...aiyo dat girl la.**** la..damn piss..she's like always hu's dat...if she "noe she'd be like oh i noe dat person..use to like me..blah blah..i don like him/her blah blah..i can't stand it..arrrggghhh..w/e u noe shd create a name 4 her..mm LCB..gt it..haha..won say wad it means bt jas,tiff,fiona and the rest of la..haha..okie i'm damn piss at LCB..aiyo..can't stand her..i rather gt beaten up or die..then u noe hear her voice..arrggghhh..hate her god damn naiding(a word i created if u wanna noe meaning ask me)anyway i gtg i guess..really nth much to say...except I HATE LCB TO THE CORE..haha..ps i rote a new poem..shit i think i threw it away..naid...aiyo..damn anyway peace aii

2005-01-03T01:53:00.001-08:00

ain't i cute..aiyo..haha..jkjk

2005-01-03T01:53:00.000-08:00

me in white,jas in black

2005-01-03T01:52:00.001-08:00

we rawk..i noe

2005-01-03T01:52:00.000-08:00

da gang again

2005-01-03T01:51:00.000-08:00

the gang i luv them

2005-01-03T01:47:00.000-08:00

i luv oth..

peace aii

2005-01-01T22:51:00.000-08:00

"i tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it"

yo..haha..i am damn piss at obviously my idiotic sis..arrggghhhh..see this is 1 damn good reason y i nv go sch wif her..i juz gt so irritated wif her that i smtimes feel as if being deaf is good..so dat i dun have to hear a single thing that she says..arrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh..damn piss, damn piss...damn piss...arrrgggghhhhh wtf man.

okie i'm gg to try and be abit calmer...breathe in..breathe out..weee..haha..okie number 1)I GT HIS PIC...haha..okie lets see here he looks a bit weird bt nether the less so cute..haha..w/e ..weird i noe..lets see sch starts 2morr..my god..and i can't find my name tag HELP ME!!!!!..haha..ya damn 1st day of sch gg to be so busted ..gg to gt into trouble ..i noe it..i have this feelin..god i'm gg to start hating all of my feelins.

okie i'm back to being piss..arrrgggghhhh..i hate her so damn much..and trust me i ain't regretting or dats wad i think..aiyo..wthell la..i juz can't stand her..juz a wonder hw ever1 does..aarrrgggghhhh..wanna pull my hair..wanna go deaf(so ain't hearing her voice)..wanna die(i think better then gg deaf la)..haha..i'm weird i noe..okie w/e..let see was reading my very 1st entries in hellrulz..n guess wad..i find myself damn childesh(wow..so shock ..........not)..really damn stupid and silly and thoughtless..sigh temple programme was ok..juz didn't have much of a sleep last nite..slept at wad 4.30 up at 7.20..sigh..been doing thinking ..and i dunno i juz find ashely and myself aren't well..i feel myself disliking her even more..wad the hell is up wif me..i dunno..anyway i haven't gt much to blab bout so be4 i bore yeh(i think i am)..i'm outta

damn piss,damn piss,damn piss...breathe in, breathe out,he comes into my mind.i'm so over pissing i'm now day dreaming wondering wad'd it'd be like to noe him...sigh..story-maker dats me..sigh..

peace aii

enter

2005-01-01T07:57:00.000-08:00

okie dat entry really suxs i noe..these few days all of my entries have been damn short..aiyo..juz now wad damn angry at my sis u noe y she wanted to use the com coz she say its dman important..wtf la..in the end she juz wanted to receive a couple of photos damn important ..i dun think so..yesterday i went to temple to celebrate my new year..i think it was damn fun coz i saw alot of ppl which i didn't think i would..sigh..i saw spikes haha..he looks cuter la..his hair and all that..let see also saw alvin..,anson,amrpall and so on..i was wif akwinder most of the time..i made friends wif this guy also..haha.damn funny la he..sharan was running ard wif her friends..so i was juz walking around..then ruby came..and ya we talk n talk..u noe i was suppose to go to temple today bt i woke up at 4.30 in the afternoon..haha..damn nice la..14 hours of sleep..see now cannot sleep bt i dun care afterwards gt soccer..rooney has been ban 4 3 matches sigh ..ya so i didn't go to temple wonder if ruby is mad at me..haha..okie ...i finally gt my com to work.so ya i feel so damn proud coz i did it on my own without no1's help and no instruction...sigh..so smart..haha..weird anyway i cut my hair and i think i look inncent bt ppl dun think so..sharan keeps callin me a boy..DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE 1????haha.. lets see i am a bit happy coz i spoke to jojo today..the death toll is still up ,up,up..and ya my mum is donating clothes..ya..u noe sch is starting and i can't find my name tag..2morr i'm gg to buy shoes coz mine have been nicely de-faced..haha..anyway i plan to be a good gal..u noe like being a perfect person..bt i'm nuts..i juz bout sum 41 cd and at 1st i thought wad the hell this suxs..bt now i'm juz listening to the cd track by track and hey it's kool..bt i think "chuck" shows a softer side of sum 41..dats wad i think la..bt i luv it..haha..anyway "the reason" is number 1 in singapore 4 the whole year..i didn't really like it..bt hey the lyrics are kool..so meaniful..anyway since my template is all about "i wish" well this are my wishes

1)the speical some1
2)mp3
3)new clothes
4)good grades

ya thats all about it..so mm..be4 i go..i think things wif cate aren't working out..i mean i'm starting to dislike her..aiyo wads wrong wif m..everything i noe..craz la me..anyway i noe my new teacher is mrs soon..so good..rite..haha..i sooo happy..bt scarely in the end it's nt..aiyo..pray nt la..anyway i'm outta of here..2morr i'm gg to temple..i wonder hu also gg..maybe anson will go..maybe juz maybe..haha..so boring la sometimes..haha..weird..anyway...i'm outta of here..so mm..peace

2005-01-01T07:49:00.000-08:00

yo..u noe wad i slept 4 14 hours today..craz huh..ya..sch's starting on monday wad the hell..i am not ready 4 sch..can't find my nametag...have this feelin this year is gg to be a good year..ya hope so la..really nth to much to blog so peace out mates

2004-12-31T09:26:00.000-08:00

yo..happy new year guys...damn happy went to temple met alot of ppl..esp him..aiyo so cute la..w/e..anyway dats about it..so peace out

2004-12-30T21:19:00.000-08:00

i am feelin so damn sick today.i dunno wad got into me u noe last nite didn't really sleep properly.sigh. damn tired la..today is new year eve..gg to celebrate my new year in the temple..weird..juz dat it's fun to go to temple..craz i noe..sch's starting soon and i dun noe wads gt into me..juz nt in the mood..i noe my form teacher and she roxs ..sigh...okie i'm jus toking crap..i'm outta of here.peace ai.

death toll:120,000

2004-12-29T05:47:00.000-08:00

heyz ..ya alot of ppl have died..damn sad la..anywya i'm good..juz shock haiz..my new years resolution
1)be a good gal
2)produce good marks
3)lose weight
4) try and not to be sooo irritating..
thats bout it..haiz..haha..well i'm off..cyaz

ps..
i'm praying to god today,
to show his care on all of us.
to thank him for taking care of us,
and to take care of all those hu have left us.

i'm praying to god today,
to ask him for forgiveness,
to make me realize i'm juz being silly.

i'm praying to god,
for the family i have,
for the friends i've made,
and make me gratful for wadever i receive.

i'm praying to god,
on the behalf of the world,
to ask 4 world peace,
and make all humble,
and not think evil.

i'm praying to god today,
and i think u shd too,
thank him,
ask him.

2004-12-28T04:14:00.000-08:00

heyz back from malaysia..god so damn shocking u noe the earthqauke and the tsunami and all that so many ppl die u noe..i wanna help..ain't sure hw..god bless ya..

_________aii lurf yoo*

2004-12-25T17:03:00.000-08:00

ello..bit grumpy in the morning..coz u noe i hate to tok early in the morining..bt u noe when gt sch that it's a different issuse..haiz..every1 in this house..maybe except sang noes i htae toking in the morning..coz every1 has seen my temper..when i do..really gt damn grumpy...yesterday was okie i guess..i luv christmas..it's a time 4 getting together..and all that stuff..haiz..la..went out to watch ocean twelve wif est,jas..fiona didn't come..coz she wen out wif her cuz..ya..still trying to find a hairstyle 4 me..nothing seems to work..sch starting very soon..it's like next week..the monday..wow..fast huh..i sure i put on so much of weight..sigh..i noe i wan sec2 to be a good year..i'm gg to study hard..that also means punjabi..ya..can't wait 4 ps to open..I MISS EVERY1..except the guys la..

you noe wad i always feel like a sub..and that suxs if u haven notice..ya..i'm off to jb at 10..will come back on tuesday..so happy..sigh..missing sam alot..haven seen her 4 quiet long.

heaven's turning to hell rite now.wtf la..byez

i htae it,i hate it,i hate it,i hate it.i hate it.

noise in the morning i mean..morning are suppose to be peaceful..

peace

2004-12-23T05:47:00.000-08:00

(below are few message's to tasha,shaan n the rest hu reads my blog)
heyz juz back form expo..haha..damn glad i wen though..ya met sharan ...felt damn weird..if u noe wad i mean..haha..okiz..ya met loads of ppl..bt hw can u nt..if u go 4 a punjabi function..haiz.,...damn happy la..saw alot of ppl..haiz..meet manprit..sigh..miss her loads la..didn't wanna leave early..bt dunno leh..anyway...shaan if ya reading thanks 4 da tip..think i can share..haha..weird..anyway shaan's tip is
dun dwell on your problem..is that rite..i dunno..will change if wrong..i promise..mmm..did thinking today....bt i decided..i wanna go to jc ....i will study hard..to get into jc..crazy la me..juz hope sec 2 is a good year..and ya really hope they wun be any distraction..this year had..alot of them..and ya next year i shall be a good girl....no more bookin..no more detenion..i'm juz getting so sick of it..sigh..sense..i'm outta...
hey messages to a few ppl
tasha: hey didn't really noe hw u feel..really sorri..if u felt that way..i promise ya this k..i'll be nicer..trust me on that k..
shaan:
hey..no off..didn't noe it was that easy to tok to ya...juz thxs 4 all the advice..juz shows that u care..n ya strangely...i couldn't ask 4 anything more...haha..thanks again
to every1 hu reads this
1stly merry christmas in advance to all..and ya happy new year...,if u nee some1 to listen to..u can come 2 me..and also even if ur in another part of world..it doens't matter..juz e-mail me..

___________* i love yoo*___________

i'd give up forever just to touch u,just to whisper"i love u"

i'm melitig

too lost in yoo

nv walk alone

lurf u

aii lurff yoo

hihi

my views on a couple of things

idiot jasveer..think i care i don

aii lurff yoo anson

my mood if damn low

yesterday,today 2morr,

I HATE YOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOO MUCH

maybe i am weak

camp rawk...i miss all the instructers..soo rock..

aii miss yoo loads

[soo lost..wads up wif me]*

read

closing my eyes

peace aii

peace aii

enter

_________aii lurf yoo*

_* i love yoo*_